The Growth Mindset vs. The Fixit Mindset in Coaching

“We define mindsets as core assumptions that we have about domains or categories of things that orient us to a particular set of expectations, explanations, and goals. So to put that a little bit more simply, mindsets are ways of viewing reality, that shape, what we expect, what we understand, and what we want to do.” Alia J. Crum, PhD. (https://www.gsb.stanford.edu/insights/mindset-matters-how-embrace-benefits-stress)

As I grew up, I had the mindset that I was not mechanically inclined. Sure, I could do some things, and had served as a third hand for my high school best friend as he fixed up his old Ford with the Thunderbird engine. I, however, thought that my talents lay elsewhere. After college I bought my first ten-speed bicycle and enjoyed riding it immensely. I could change a flat and tighten up my brakes, but still held the belief that I was just not mechanically gifted. Then, in my doctoral program I started riding with a fellow student who had just left his job as a full-time bicycle mechanic. Under his tutelage I slowly opened up to doing more of my own repairs. My mindset started to give way to changing. When I had accomplished the feat of repacking my own wheel bearings, I realized that doing mechanical work was not a “gift” one was blessed with or not, it was a learning process, and the important thing was – I could do it!

The point in telling this story is that our mindsets shape who we are, or rather, who we think we are. And they shape how we coach.

Stanford University Professor and research psychologist, Alia Crum’s work on mindset helps us understand its importance and relevance to our field of wellness coaching.

“Mindsets are core assumptions we make about the things and processes in the world that orient us to a particular set of expectations, explanations, and goals, for example: “aging is an inevitable decline”, “cancer is a catastrophe”, “healthy foods are disgusting and depriving.” The world is complex and uncertain and yet we need to predict what will happen in order to act. Mindsets are our human way of simplifying and understanding a complex reality. The mindsets we adopt are not right/wrong, true/false, but they do have an impact. Mindsets can change our reality by shaping what we pay attention to, how we feel, what we do, and what our bodies prioritize and prepare to do.” (https://www.parulsomani.com/post/mindsets-q-a-with-dr-alia-crum-stanford-psychology)

Check out Dr. Crum’s work on how our mindsets create our own reality and affect our responses to exercise, food and stress. (https://psychology.stanford.edu/people/alia-crum)

The concept of the Growth Mindset vs. the Fixed Mindset was pioneered by a Stanford Colleague of Crum’s: Dr. Carol Dweck. Her work showed us the tremendous effects of the mindset we hold about intelligence. Is your intelligence fixed, or malleable? Here are some thoughts from an excellent blog about Dweck’s work. “Your view of yourself can determine everything. If you believe that your qualities are unchangeable — the fixed mindset — you will want to prove yourself correct over and over rather than learning from your mistakes.” “…as you begin to understand the fixed and growth mindsets, you will see exactly how one thing leads to another— how a belief that your qualities are carved in stone leads to a host of thoughts and actions, and how a belief that your qualities can be cultivated leads to a host of different thoughts and actions, taking you down an entirely different road.” “In fact Dweck takes this stoic approach, writing: “in the growth mindset, failure can be a painful experience. But it doesn’t define you. It’s a problem to be faced, dealt with, and learned from.” “We can still learn from our mistakes. The legendary basketball coach John Wooden says that you’re not a failure until you start to assign blame. That’s when you stop learning from your mistakes – you deny them.”
(https://fs.blog/carol-dweck-mindset/)

Growth Mindset vs. Fixit Mindset in Coaching

Allow me to extrapolate on Dwek’s work and think of the mindset we hold in coaching both towards ourselves and our client. The wellness field is founded on the principles and concepts of people like Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers, and others who saw people being drawn towards actualizing their potential. This emphasis on personal growth is also foundational to the coaching field. When we work with a client do we see their personal growth as the ultimate goal of coaching, or do we view coaching primarily as problem solving? Growth mindset or ‘fixit’ mindset?

The Growth Mindset in coaching is about possibilities. In coaching we do strategic problems solving, but so much more. We ask “What’s possible? What could be?” We operate on a growth mindset instead of asking “What’s wrong and how can we fix it?”

Remember Alia Crum’s words “mindsets are ways of viewing reality, that shape, what we expect, what we understand, and what we want to do.” When we approach a coaching session as a time when we help our client to work on their ‘issues’, we may be still operating from a clinical mindset, or at least from a consultant mindset, instead of a coaching mindset. Are we always looking for a problem to solve? Many consultants name their business XXXX Solutions, Inc. Are we framing coaching as mostly a solution-finding process? I see books on coaching that hold out the promise of teaching you a method to get to the heart of the problem/issue quickly and effectively. Is that what coaching is all about?

Perhaps our client comes to us to work on managing their stress better. If we take a problem-solving approach to stress management, we are flirting with futility (as well as infinity). With the Fixit Mindset, there will always be a problem to work on, one arising as another is resolved, keeping the client in a continual game of “whack a mole.”

Evoke Transformation

The authors of Co-Active Coaching (a truly foundational book of the field of life coaching) set out four Cornerstones of Coaching to give us a foundation to build on. (https://coactive.com/resources/books/coactive-coaching-4th-edition)
The fourth Cornerstone is EVOKE TRANSFORMATION. We are urged to approach coaching as a growth process, one that results in the person transforming into their best self, living their best life possible. When we coach from a Growth Mindset, we are framing the whole process through that lens. We are coaching for what’s possible, for the actualization of that person’s potential, for what could be.

While we may have a client who simply wants to get more sleep or prevent the onset of a chronic illness. Perhaps a fairly straightforward behavioral process based on sound coaching structure enables them to succeed with just that. Yet, we are serving our client best when we interact with them in such a way that we are honoring their autonomy, holding them to be “naturally creative, resourceful and whole.” (The first of the Cornerstones of Coaching.). Who knows what our client may discover on their coaching journey if we are approaching the coaching process with a whole-person approach and a Growth Mindset.

Part of our challenge is that most of our clients come to us with a Fixit Mindset of their own. They are used to working with consultants that analyze their problem and make recommendations. While that works fine for treatment, it doesn’t really fit what we do in coaching.

Some clients also show up with no discernable ‘problems’. Their health may be just fine, for now. The wise coach will praise the person for their good health and inquire if they have a conscious plan for how to stay that way. So, in effect, prevention itself fits the Growth Mindset better than a Fixit Mindset. As we explain how coaching works and build the coaching alliance, we help our clients to make a mindset shift of their own.

Default to Growth

Mindsets are like default settings. When we have made the shift from a Fixit Mindset to a Growth Mindset it is what we default to, over and over again. Of course, we help our clients to solve problems, to identify and overcome barriers, to do strategic thinking, brainstorming and more. With a Growth Mindset the problems are solved in order for the person to grow, not just as an end unto themselves.

Maslow’s theory of Self-Actualization always maintained that we human beings have a natural, innate drive towards actualizing our potentials. Barriers arise that hold us back and prevent us from moving forward in that actualization process. But when we are able to remove those barriers the growth process takes over and we grow and thrive. Coach with the lofty goal of transformation.

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness – a world leader in health and wellness coach training (https://realbalance.com/). Doctor Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world.

The Zone of Compassion: More Thoughts on the Heart of Coaching

How do we allow ourselves to enter the zone of compassion, and what holds us back from going there? How do we keep our “coherent sense of self” that Erik Erikson talked about intact when we connect with the ‘other’? (Allow me to use the term ‘other’ to refer to a person or persons, clients, or otherwise throughout this piece.).

I took on the question of Compassionate Detachment in a previous blog “Compassionate Detachment” (https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2022/01/10/compassionate-detachment/) where I shared a portion of Chapter Five from my book Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft (https://wholeperson.com/store/masterful-health-and-wellness-coaching.html).

“Compassionate detachment is respecting our client’s power enough to not rescue them while extending loving compassion to them in the present moment. Simultaneously compassionate detachment is also respecting ourselves enough to not take the client’s challenges on as our own and realizing that to do so serves good purpose for no one.”

I also explored this subject in my blog “The Quandary of Closeness And Compassion in Coaching” (https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2018/08/03/the-quandary-of-closeness-and-compassion-in-coaching/ ). These blogs looked at Compassion Fatigue, at how we can move from Depletion to Replenishment as a way to recover from such fatigue, the mindset needed for compassion, and more.

The more I consider this subject though, the deeper it is. There is almost a myth in our thinking about compassion that some people buy into – that entering the zone of compassion is not safe. The danger is to feel too much, to connect too completely with the feelings of the other. It is a myth because it does not have to be true.

My Own Compassionate Center

When I am feeling secure in myself, grounded in who I am, more centered in my life, physically and emotionally, I am more able to be compassionate. When I am not, does it feel like I have more to protect? Will connecting with the other appear like a threat to what I have left? So, to access my compassion, to enter that Zone of Compassion, one of the best things I can do is be compassionate with myself and regularly engage in self-care.

One thing that can hold us out of that Zone is the fear that the burden of the other will become too much for me to bear. The Zone of Compassion is joining the other person as an ally, not as a co-owner of the burden that person feels. Compassionate detachment allows us to be there with the other without taking on the burden with them.

Judgment Separates Us

Judgment can be a defense to avoid connecting with the feelings that know compassion. When we judge we instantly separate ourselves from the other person. We put distance between ourselves and them. We may shudder at the thought of being in the other’s predicament, in living a life like theirs, and so we pull back.

In health and wellness coaching it is often easy to spot the self-defeating behaviors that work against our client’s health and wellbeing. We then can quickly move to judge the person’s character, values, etc.

Making a distinction is not the same as making a judgment. We can distinguish between the person and the person’s behavior. We can distinguish between high-risk health behaviors and behaviors that enhance one’s health. The key is what do we do with our awareness in making that distinction. How do we communicate that awareness to the other?

Sharing an Observation

Trust your client to work with what you share with them. When we see someone engaging in some sort of self-defeating behavior, we might simply share what we are observing without judgment. “As you told me about your weekend, I noticed that you mentioned passing up opportunities to connect with others three times?” Such a sentence must be said without a tone that implies judgement. Judgement can slip into our conversation in very sneaky ways! Just share the observation and let your client work with it. If they don’t, refrain from pushing. The time may not be right to explore it. Remember, we are their ally, not their inquisitor.

Empathy as a Conduit of Compassion

Expressing empathic understanding allows the other to feel like they are not alone facing their burden. Empathy conducts connection which allows compassion to be felt. When empathy is transmitted well and received well, it is like there is an infusion of energy into the person receiving empathic understanding. They light up! And often lighten up. Empathy turns on a light that allows a person to often gain a new perspective very different from the one they experienced when they felt all alone in the darkness.

Far too often we reach for the fix-it tool instead of first connecting with the other through empathy. We really want to help, and we try to make things better.

“Because the truth is, rarely, can a response make things better. What makes things better is connection.” Brené Brown

A key to compassion is to imagine it like an image of two people together, standing, or sitting, side by side. If the person expressing compassion projects an image of being above the other, ‘helping’ them, the attempt at compassion will come across like sympathy, not empathy. Compassion is shoulder to shoulder, side by side, heart to heart.

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness – a world leader in health and wellness coach training (https://realbalance.com/). Doctor Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world.

Top Ten Books for Health & Wellness Coaching

Winter is a great time for coaches to rest up, reflect and recharge their energy. It’s a great time to also work on your ongoing professional development and what better way this time of year than to cozy up with a good book!

Many of you are taking your professional development as a health & wellness coach seriously and are preparing to take the certification exam of the National Board for Health & Wellness Coaching (https://nbhwc.org). It is definitely an exam to be taken seriously! Concerted preparation is needed to pass, even for seasoned health & wellness professionals.

Many people find that being part of an Exam Study Group with other coaches can be extremely valuable. Some great resources are the Exam Study Groups offered by Real Balance Global Wellness (Starting Jan. 9, 2023. (https://realbalance.com/study-group-for-the-national-exam-july-2022). These groups are open to anyone preparing for the exam, not just Real Balance alumni. We have been offering these groups for years and they are led by two of our Real Balance faculty: Annalise Evenson and Michelle Lesperance.

Here are the Top Ten Books that Annalise, Michelle and myself would recommend that you include in your exam preparation as well as for your own professional development as a coach.

BOOK IT!

NUMBER ONE: Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft. Michael Arloski.
(https://wholeperson.com/store/masterful-health-and-wellness-coaching.html)

I’m unabashedly recommending my own book first for one very practical reason – one of the central purposes in writing this book was to put all of the major behavioral change theories for health & wellness coaches preparing for the national exam in one place and show how they apply to coaching.

Appreciative Inquiry – Chapter Four
Positive Psychology – Chapter Four
Self-Determination Theory – Chapter Six
Social Cognitive Theory – Chapter Six
Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change – Chapter Eight
Motivational Interviewing – Chapter Nine

It is also worth noting that all the content regarding The Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change in Chapter Eight was edited for me by Drs. James and Janice Prochaska. In Chapter Nine, all the content regarding Motivational Interviewing was edited by Dr. Adam Aréchiga, a professor of Psychology at Loma Linda University who has taught M.I. courses for years.

Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching will also teach you about: coaching skills at a high level; how to coach clients with health challenges; how to be directive yet remain within the client-centered heart of coaching. It also explores how to use self-disclosure effectively; how to avoid collusion, and many more topics that are relevant to the national exam.

NUMBER TWO: Changing to Thrive by James and Janice Prochaska. (https://jprochaska.com/books/changing-to-thrive-book/)

A thorough understanding of the Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change is foundational for anyone practicing health & wellness coaching. In Changing to Thrive, the Prochaskas draw upon their countless research studies to show the coach how to work with clients at every one of the six stages of change. Especially helpful is the material on how to work with the person in Pre-Contemplation and help them simply move to Contemplation. While the original work on the Stages of Change model was done primarily in clinical settings, in this book the Prochaskas use examples related to challenges that health and wellness coaching clients frequently face. It is critical that coaches learn how to co-create with their clients, action steps that are ‘stage appropriate’. The book also provides coaches with 12 Principals of Progress that can help guide our clients through the stages of change to healthy lifestyle improvement.

NUMBER THREE: Wellness Coaching for Lasting Lifestyle Change, 2ND Ed. Michael Arloski
(https://wholeperson.com/store/wellness-coaching-for-lasting-lifestyle-change.shtml)

Top of the list before Masterful was published, this was the first major book specifically on health & wellness coaching and set much of the foundation for the field. Used as a primary text by many health & wellness coach training programs/schools, this Amazon review by Jennifer Rogers describes its value well. “I am currently utilizing my coaching skills as I start up a health coaching program in a teaching hospital’s primary care setting. I used Dr. Arloski’s original book as my coaching Bible. As I read through his second edition I am just as impressed. He makes wellness attainable to all of us by his deep understanding of behavioral health. The references to other founders in the wellness field and mentions of helpful resources truly makes this book an invaluable resource. He has done all the hard work for us coaches and passed it on to us in this book. Every time I read a new chapter and apply it in the coaching session, myself and the client benefit. This book is a go to guide for all coaches and for anyone who wants to make sustainable lifestyle changes.”

NUMBER FOUR: Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change, Third Edition. Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (https://www.amazon.com/Motivational-Interviewing-Helping-People-Applications/dp/1609182278/ref=sr_1_1?gclid=Cj0KCQiAtbqdBhDvARIsAGYnXBN6cm3WP-VDrrXLL_mRnCB2ScAkiJP1KpaVEoluwBJxerEHV0zpqaQaAqNKEALw_wcB&hvadid=241591702995&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=1014517&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=13138936209095786326&hvtargid=kwd-43267252088&hydadcr=15557_10342300&keywords=motivational+interviewing+3rd+edition&qid=1672421889&sr=8-1)

Motivational Interviewing or “MI” is another foundational resource for health & wellness coaches. This 3rd Edition presents the methodology of MI in a thorough but very understandable manner. As Adam Aréchiga put it, MI and coaching do a lot of the same things, they just call it by different names. While Miller and Rollnick come right out in this text and say the names of all of these skills and methods don’t matter, the wise exam taker would be prudent in learning these terms, especially for all the various types of reflections. I also found many hidden gems in this book that can truly enhance the skills of any coach.

NUMBER FIVE: Coaching Psychology Manual. Moore, M., Jackson, E., & Tschannen-Moran, B.
(https://www.amazon.com/Coaching-Psychology-Lippincott-Williams-Wilkins/dp/0781772621)

Another foundational book of the field, Coaching Psychology Manual is an easy read that is very comprehensive. A great blend of theory, tools and practical application. A must for exam preparation.

NUMBER SIX: Co-Active Coaching: The Proven Framework for Transformative Conversations at Work and in Life, 4th Ed.. Kimsey-House, H., Kimsey-House, K., Sandahl, P., Whitworth,L., Phillips, A. (https://www.amazon.com/Co-Active-Coaching-audiobook/dp/B07LGF815Q/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1ARJZ1WP9DA0Y&keywords=co-active+coaching+4th+edition&qid=1672423077&s=books&sprefix=Co-Active+Coaching%2Cstripbooks%2C212&sr=1-1)

One of, if not the best, books ever on coaching foundational principals and coaching skills. The authors were among the initial pioneers of the life coaching field and the founders of Coaches Training Institute. Deepen your understanding of the skills used across all types of coaching.

NUMBER SEVEN: Becoming a Professional Life Coach: Lessons from the Institute of Life Coach Training. Williams, Patrick and Menendez, Diane. (https://wwnorton.com/books/9780393708363)

Tied with Co-Active Coaching for just about the best book on coaching skills, presence, etc. Becoming a Professional Life Coach provides you with a rich understanding of coaching mindset and methods. Numerous scenarios and dialogues give the coach a real feel for how to implement these principals. Joy and creativity in coaching come through in this book urging coaches to stretch and grow.  3rd edition just out.

NUMBER EIGHT: Your Journey To A Healthier Life: Paths of Wellness Guided Journal, Vol. 1, 2nd Ed. Michael Arloski (https://wholeperson.com/store/your-journey-to-a-healthier-life.shtml)

This journal lays out the whole Wellness Mapping 360 Methodology for lifestyle improvement for clients to use either with a coach, or if they are quite self-directed, on their own. As such it becomes a very useful workbook for the coach to understand coaching methodology and understand how lifestyle behavioral change can happen effectively. Numerous tools included.

NUMBER NINE: How to Be a Health Coach: An Integrative Wellness Approach Third Edition. Meg Jordan. (https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Health-Coach-Integrative/dp/B09XJGVDHQ/ref=sr_1_1?crid=16JWJUA2ODES3&keywords=how+to+be+a+health+coach+meg+jordan&qid=1672681245&s=books&sprefix=Meg+Jordan%2Cstripbooks%2C151&sr=1-1)

A great resource from one of the great wellness pioneers, and my comrade in being a founding member of the NBHWC, Meg Jordan. To quote from the book’s own review “The new 3rd edition of this highly valued and popular textbook offers updated behavior change models, theories and essential healthy lifestyle information with the biometric data coaches need to know. Also included: comprehensive, actionable lessons for the key competencies needed for the NBHWC exam; new guidelines for group coaching, a vastly improved index; coaching templates for doing intake sessions, initial meetings, ongoing sessions, motivational interviewing, and for closing the coaching relationship; client agreement forms; and several types of Wellness Wheels for use with clients.”

NUMBER TEN: Professional Coaching Competencies: The Complete Guide. Goldvarg, D., Mathews, P., and Perel, N. (https://www.amazon.com/Professional-Coaching-Competencies-Complete-Guide/dp/1532376820)

A comprehensive, hands-on guide to understanding and applying the International Coaching Federation (https://coachingfederation.org/) professional coaching competencies to your coaching. Michelle found this book very helpful when she studied for the ICF Exam.

Honorable Mentions

There are so many honorable mentions that they deserve a blog post of their own, some to include that Annalise and Michelle recommended would be:

Nurse Coaching: Integrative Approaches for Health and Wellbeing by Dossey, Luck and Schaub.
Atomic Habits by James Clear
One Small Step Can Change Your Life, The Kaizen Way by Robert Maurer.
Thrive by Martin Seligman
Taming Your Gremlin by Rick Carson
Fierce Self-Compassion by Kristen Neff
Tiny Habits by B J Fogg
Coaching Questions: A Coach’s Guide to Powerful Asking Skills by Tony Stoltzfus
Change Your questions Change Your Life by Marilee Adams

Some other wellness favorites:

The Blue Zones, Dan Buettner
The Wellness Workbook, Jack Travis & Regina Ryan
The Open Heart Companion, Maggie Lichtenberg
The Craving Mind, Judson Brewer
Raw Coping Power, Joel Bennet
The Way We’re Working Isn’t Working, Tony Schwartz
The Spectrum: A Scientifically Proven Program to Feel Better, Live Longer, Lose Weight, and Gain Health by Dean Ornish

On Buying Books

To save considerable money buying these books, look to book brokers that draw from hundreds of independent used bookstores. I often buy from https://www.abebooks.com

So there you have it! Kick off the New Year with cozy cup of your favorite wellness beverage and a good book!

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness – a world leader in health and wellness coach training (https://realbalance.com/). Doctor Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world.

More Creative Health & Wellness Coaching

A stimulating conversation with a colleague launched me on an exploration of how we can allow ourselves to be more creative in the coaching work we do. A mark of a more masterful coach that I’ve always observed is their ability to be creative in the moment in ways that enhanced the coaching process. Watching them work, I would see inventive experiments emerge that were not just tricks from an old reliable bag, but fresh adventures for the client to try out. What allows a coach to come up with something new that fits the moment and catalyzes the client’s growth? Creativity has relevance to health and wellness coaching in a number of ways.

Creativity and Wellness

Connecting with our own creative energy can actually enhance our health. An article in Forbes (https://www.forbes.com/sites/ashleystahl/2018/07/25/heres-how-creativity-actually-improves-your-health/?sh=239e16fd13a6) “Here’s How Creativity Actually Improves Your Health” shows at least five ways how it does. From increasing happiness, reducing dementia, boosting our immune system, and making us smarter to improving our mental health, creativity can play a vital role in our health and wellness.

Creative Self-Expression and Mental Health

“Creative self-expression is taking an idea and bringing it to life. A way to assert one’s creativity is through art, dance, songs, paintings, music, writing, and many other similar arts. The need to express oneself is believed to be important for mental health. When you suppress yourself, you’re harming no one else but your own self.” (https://goodmenproject.com/mental-health-awareness/how-creative-self-expression-may-help-maintain-mental-health/) As we engage in a creative process it helps focus our minds. Instead of the multi-tasking temptations of our over-stimulated world, we experience the flow of the present moment as we focus on only one thing. The above article also describes how creative self-expression can help to overcome trauma and reduce depression. It also addresses how it can help to increase self-esteem.

Years ago, I coached a client who knew that the more he engaged in creative self-expression, the more centered, grounded, and effective he would be in his business as a busy insurance agency owner. My coaching with this very self-directed person was mostly about helping him stay on track and accountable to himself with his pottery, photography, and writing. The more he expressed himself this way, the more confident and self-assured he was in his business.

Creativity Coaching

A special niche in the life coaching world is that of Creativity Coaching. There is even a Creativity Coaching Association to help coaches who work helping their clients to tap more into the creative process. “Creativity Coaches are similar to life coaches but focus more specifically on your creative work. Creativity Coaches help you to develop your artistic and humanistic talents. Creativity Coaches have helped thousands of artists, writers, inventors, entrepreneurs and other creative souls to accomplish their dreams.” (https://www.creativitycoachingassociation.com)

Creativity in the Coaching Process

There are two aspects of creativity in the coaching process. One is helping our clients to reconnect with their own creativity and the other is the use of creativity by the coach.

In a short, but excellent article, (https://coachingfederation.org/blog/creativity-in-coaching) Nour Azhari contends that the ICF definition of coaching – “partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential” implies that a key role is played by creativity. She shows how this can help clients break unhealthy patterns of behavior. “With the help of a coach, clients can embrace their creativity and envision a desired future state in which they’ve let go of their unwanted patterns. Consequently, they can start to feel more aligned with achievement. In other words, the unconscious mind viscerally believes that the change has already happened, which leads to the development of more self-serving thoughts and behaviors. This shift in the thought-emotion-behavior triad becomes the foundation for change, providing the motivation to move from where they currently are to where they want to be.”

The author goes on to show how creativity can also help clients to identify alternative strategies for existing problems. I recently did this with a client by simply helping them break out of a stuck pattern of thinking where they felt like their business development was going nowhere. By using metaphor to shift perspective from how far she had to go to be successful to how far she had come already, she was able to see a much more optimistic way forward.

The Creative Coach

Azhari outlines how at least three processes can be used by the coach to enhance client access to their creativity.

1. Establish psychological safety. When we provide those Rogerian Facilitative Conditions of Coaching – empathy, warmth, genuiness and unconditional positive regard – our clients can engage in creative and innovative thinking safe from judgment.
2. Guide clients into a state of mindfulness. I like to define mindfulness simply as “noticing without judgment”. Again, from Azhari’s blog “It has been found to help develop many of the skills that support greater creativity including decreased fear of judgment, better working memory, more empathy and open-mindedness, and the ability to respond instead of reacting impulsively to difficult situations. Guiding your client into mindful states through meditations, relaxation exercises, or visualizations will help them foster the skills they need to enhance their creative abilities.”
3. Tap into our creativity. “In order to master the art of coaching and answer the question, ‘what will be most useful for my client at this particular moment?’, the coach needs to access their own creativity.  A competent coach is flexible and innovative in their approach, responding spontaneously to the client’s needs without any attachments to what ‘generally works.’ In fact, coaches directly inspire their clients to push their boundaries solely by modeling this creative behavior.” (https://coachingfederation.org/blog/creativity-in-coaching)

Connecting With Our Own Creativity – What Helps and Hinders

Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, and The Right to Write, (https://juliacameronlive.com) says that “When a creative artist is fatigued it is often from too much inflow, not too much outflow.” Think about that. When you are hit with so much input from so many sources throughout your day, what do you experience? Anxiety, overwhelm, worry, or perhaps we just call it stress. Not exactly the scenario for the rise of creativity.

When I wrote Wellness Coaching for Lasting Lifestyle Change and Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft, (https://wholeperson.com/cgi-wholeperson/sb/productsearch.cgi?storeid=*101fd218a90764414afb) what helped the most were the writing retreats that I took. Camping or going to friend’s cabin in the Rocky Mountains allowed me to get away from email, the internet, and the chores of daily life. I would mix in writing with breaks where hiking and trout fishing allowed my mind to not just rest, but to subconsciously continue to work while I meditated through walking and working a fly line back and forth. Contiguous time emersed in the writing process allowed me to conceptualize those books in ways that an hour here or there would never permit. My wife Deborah calls it turning down the volume when we can away from the noise of life. Perhaps getting away from the ‘noise’ allows us to really hear what is going on.

Structure and Creativity

“Structure is your friend. Don’t make it your master.”
Michael Arloski

Reducing input helps free up our creativity, so does having a helpful balance with our use of structure in the coaching process. Structure provides the framework that we build on with our clients. Having a real coaching methodology enables a productive process with a beginning, a middle and an end. Clients take stock of their wellness, get clear about what they want – their Well Life Vision, and create a Wellness Plan to get there. The key is for coaches to uniquely adapt coaching structure in each session, and overall, to our individual client and what is happening in the moment. (Dancing In The Moment: Awareness of The Coaching Process/Interaction https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2010/08/29/dancing-in-the-moment-awareness-of-the-coaching-processinteraction-2) (Dancing In The Moment: Three Keys To Thinking On Your Feet During The Coaching Process https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2011/04/04/dancing-in-the-moment-three-keys-to-thinking-on-your-feet-during-the-coaching-process)
When coaches fall into using scripts, protocols, or formats that they rigidly adhere to creativity is seldom given a chance to emerge. It’s letting go of that attachment to coaching routine that opens new possibilities.

The Creative Stretch

Allowing ourselves to be creative as we coach is rewarding to both us and our clients. It keeps the coaching alive, fresh, and fun. When we decide to let our creativity materialize it comes down to a decision about risk. Is this creative experiment a ‘stretch’ or a ‘risk’? We want to stay in the ‘stretch zone’ and help our clients decide if something is entering their ‘risk zone’. We enter this territory first of all, by asking their permission for what we propose. We may suggest that our client try on a new perspective, play with metaphor, engage in a visualization process, tell a story, or use any number of creative ideas. We stay within our scope of practice as a coach and help our clients to grow.

“Creativity occurs in the moment, and in the moment we are timeless.”

“The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.”

Both quotes by Julia Cameron

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness – a world leader in health and wellness coach training. (www.realbalance.com). Doctor Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world.

The Coaching Conversation: Facilitating Versus Contributing

Coach training often talks about the importance of the ‘Coaching Conversation’. What is it exactly and how is it very different from a Social Conversation?

Coach Patrick Williams (https://drpatwilliams.com) describes the Coaching Conversation as:

Coaching is a conversation where the client gets to say what they have not said, think what they have not thought, and even dream out loud with a committed listener…That is when magic may occur.

Facilitating versus Contributing

As coaching students begin to practice coaching, they sometimes come to a place in the dialogue with their client where they have no idea how to contribute to the conversation. A silence ensues and shortly becomes awkward. The coach may attempt to rescue the conversation by throwing out the best question they can come up with in the moment.

These awkward silences rarely come up in our social conversations. When we sit with a friend at a coffee or tea shop and converse, we both share and contribute to the conversation. A person thinks “How can I add to the conversation? Can I inquire more about what the other person is saying? Do I have a similar experience that I can share? Perhaps this is where I want to share my opinion about this topic.” The conversation develops and hopefully becomes richer as both parties contribute.

Coaching conversations are different. Instead of contributing to the conversation, our job is to facilitate the conversation. We facilitate the client’s own work, their exploration, their clarification, their focus, their decision making, etc. What we contribute is our expertise at facilitation, growth facilitation.

The coach has the dual task of deeply listening to our client and considering how we can facilitate the client’s processing. Sometimes it is about giving evidence to the client that we are, in fact listening and comprehending what the client is saying. Paraphrasing, reflecting and summarizing what the client is saying show that we are listening and helps the client to stay focused or helps them focus better.

The facilitative coach is asking themselves: “How can I help my client to reflect upon their thinking/emotions/behavior? How can I help them to explore more, to question, to examine? How can I infect them with curiosity about themselves?”

The Intention of our Contributions

Even the best facilitative coach does make contributions to the Coaching Conversation but their intention in doing so is to facilitate their client’s work. We are not merely acting as a sounding board who mirrors our client’s speech. We share observations. We suggest tools to use. We offer valid resources. We share self-disclosures in an effective and coach-like way. (Self-Disclosure in Coaching – When Sharing Helps and Hinders https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2012/03/02/self-disclosure-in-coaching-when-sharing-helps-and-hinders/). In other words, there are many times when we coaches are being directive but doing so in a Client-Centered way. (Client-Centered Directiveness: An Oxymoron That Works – Part One https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2016/09/13/client-centered-directiveness-an-oxymoron-that-works-part-one) (Client-Centered Directiveness: An Oxymoron That Works – Part Two: Adapting To Your Client https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2016/10/12/client-centered-directiveness-an-oxymoron-that-works-part-two-adapting-to-your-client )

Reporting Versus Exploring

Another way we facilitate the Coaching Conversation is to help re-direct our client back to the process of exploration when they are, instead, merely reporting what they have been doing. After we listen to our client’s reports about how they managed to carry out their committed action steps from our last appointment the key is to shift to helping them to learn from their experience. When we let our client go on and on detailing everything they ate, every step they took carrying out a commitment it often leads to little insight or progress. Our client knows what they did. They are not exploring new territory, and instead are taking us for another walk around their neighborhood, or worse, a trip down a rabbit hole.

Client: So, I got in my four walks last week.

Coach: Excellent! Tell me about those walks.

Client: Well, I had an errand to run in town, so I drove down Elizabeth Avenue and parked in city parking garage there. Then I walked from there to the post office where I bought some stamps. Then I cut across Midland Park to the bike path and…

Coach: Excuse me. That’s great that you’re combining your errands with getting your steps in. Tell me more about what you saw as you went through the park and along the bike path.

Client: You know, I’m really glad I took that route. It was a beautiful day, not too hot, and there were so many flowers in bloom in the park. It was lovely. And the bike path wasn’t too busy so I could watch some of the ducks swimming about on the creek that the path goes along.

Coach: Wow! So, you not only got your movement in, but you also had such an enjoyable experience doing it. You slowed down and noticed so many things you could enjoy that made getting out on a walk more fun!

Sometimes we have to assert that the Coaching Conversation is a two-way conversation. We don’t want to teach our clients that coaching is only about “You Talk and I Listen”. We actively participate in the conversation (with our facilitative intention). That may, at times, mean respectfully interrupting our clients to nudge them away from becoming mired in details and redirecting them to, in this case, notice some of the benefits of experience that feed intrinsic motivation. We want our client to recall their experience and profit from doing so. What did they notice and experience that was positive and would make doing the behavior again more appealing? That nudge may also take the form of asking them of the relevance what they have been saying has to their goals or wellness plan. To do so the coach has to hold the bigger picture in mind.

Holding The Big Picture

The coach has another simultaneous challenge, that of being a great listener whose coaching presence is focused on the present moment while at the same time holding the perspective of how what is happening in that moment fits into the bigger picture of the coaching process. While we are right here, right now with our client, listening intently to not only what they are saying but how they are saying it, we have to also be putting what is being said in the context of the coaching work we are doing with our client.

In the back of our minds, we are considering: How many sessions have we already had? How does this relate to what the client has told me before? How is it relevant to their Wellness Plan? Is this congruent with what they have told me about their values and what they wanted to accomplish in coaching? Somehow, we combine this broader context with the present moment. Not easy for us to do, but when we are able to do this, it provides structure and perhaps perspective for our client that can be valuable.

The Safe Container

Another distinction between the Coaching Conversation and the Social Conversation is the sanctity of ‘where’ it takes place. Providing the Facilitative Conditions of Coaching (The Facilitative Conditions of Coaching: The Essence of the Coaching Relationship https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2011/06/22/the-facilitative-conditions-of-coaching-the-essence-of-the-coaching-relationship) : empathic understanding, unconditional positive regard and authenticity and genuiness combined with a professional level of confidentiality allows the client to feel safe, heard and understood. Knowing that they are speaking with an ally who has their best interests at heart, trust builds, and the client feels like they can say whatever they need to say and not be judged. This is what makes the Coaching Conversation special.

As we get more comfortable with our role as conversation facilitator, the Coaching Conversation becomes easier, lighter, and often more fun. Knowing that we are not responsible for ‘fixing’ our client, that they are responsible for their own choices in life and lifestyle, we can relax into being that ally who assists our client in accomplishing what they want to accomplish, that ally that, hopefully, assists them in living their best life possible.

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness – a world leader in health and wellness coach training. (www.realbalance.com). Doctor Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world.

Busting Out of Precontemplation: TTM and Wellness Coaching

James and Janice Prochaska were kind enough to edit the section of my new book Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft https://wholeperson.com/store/masterful-health-and-wellness-coaching.html that conveys how coaches can make use of their model for behavioral change – The Transtheoretical Model. I am deeply grateful to them for this. While many coaches are familiar with their work on the “Stages of Change” model, there is still much to be learned about how to apply it, especially when we look at the first stage of change – Precontemplation.

Here is a small section of the chapter from my book that addresses this coaching challenge.

The Precontemplation Stage

Imagine that your client has come to you as a referral from their physician or is there because of an employee wellness program incentive that will save them 20% on their health insurance premium. They are not enthused to see you and, despite some serious medical conditions, are not optimistic about coaching helping them to accomplish better health –something they have struggled with for years. They reluctantly tell a story of repeated failure attempts at weight loss, smoking cessation, etc. They would rather not even be talking about trying again to make changes happen. They know that their lifestyle habits are working against their health, but they have no confidence that another wellness program will help, or that they, themselves, would be successful at it.

They have not given up entirely. They do walk their dog every day and have joined friends in participating in a hiking group that gets out every other weekend. They are worried about the effect that secondhand smoke may have on their grandchildren whom they watch two days a week and are seeking more information about using nicotine patches as part of a tobacco cessation program. Yet, they believe that there is no way to change their eating habits and don’t even want to discuss this. They have made many attempts at dieting with the classic ‘yo-yo’ effect of weight loss followed by immediate regaining of those pounds. In TTM terms we could help our client to realize that they are in the Action Stage with becoming more active, and in the Preparation Stage with smoking cessation. When it comes to improving their diet as part of a weight loss effort however, they are entrenched in Pre-contemplation.

This illustration shows us that every client is a person with a complex set of attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, and experiences. Sometimes our clients are full of contradictions and paradoxes. Sometimes they are angry, frustrated, sad, dejected, or experiencing any combination of emotions. As we apply TTM theory we must remember that this theory aknowledges this complexity and as we help our clients to become aware of where they are at with the process of change, we must do so with compassion and sensitivity as well. This is especially true with Pre-contemplation.

A common misunderstanding about this stage is the belief that individuals don’t want to change. Rather, in Pre-contemplation individuals do not have the intention to change. “There is a big difference between wanting and intending (Prochaska J. a., 2016).”

“People in precontemplation are often labeled as being uncooperative, resistant, unmotivated, or not ready for behavior change programs. However, our research showed us that it was the health professionals who were not ready for the precontemplators.” (Prochaska J. a., 2016)

What is really going on for the precontemplator? As I heard a speaker at a lifestyle medicine conference put it, “the dream of better health goes to sleep”. The person may have reached a point in life where they stop evaluating how they have been living. Their self-efficacy is usually very low when it comes to changing a particular behavior, or a group of behaviors that might be necessary for improved health and wellbeing. What often gets in the way is what the Prochaskas have identified as ‘The Three D’s’.

The Three D’s of Precontemplation

1. Don’t know how: This is characterized by a lack of awareness or understanding of how the behavior change may benefit the individual or a lack of awareness of how not improving their lifestyle may bring them harm. The person may benefit from some healthy-living education. The Prochaskas make the point that education is not intended to result in Action. It is intended to move someone into Contemplation. The client may also not know what to do to begin a process of change. Their attempts at change in the past may have been lacking any real plan, support, or accountability.

2. Demoralization: Often our clients are stuck in uncertainty about their ability to change or they fear failure. This frequently arises from repeated attempts to change which have resulted in failure. They may identify causal attributions or reasons why they can’t change. (Not having enough willpower, not having the right genes, low self-efficacy based on repeated failure.). Our client is so discouraged that they don’t even want to consider taking on another attempt at change.

3. Defending: Sometimes our clients feel criticized by people in their lives about the way they are living an unhealthy lifestyle. Their tendency may be to defend or protect their current risky behavior. Defensive behavior is in fact most often a way of protecting independence or autonomy. They may do this by:

a. Turning inward: blaming themselves and/or retreating inward. We may see them withdrawing interpersonally and dis-attending (tuning out). They may internalize their blame, which leads to lower self-esteem and yet more demoralization.

b. Turning outward: blaming others, outward circumstances, etc. We may see them projecting the blame onto others. “My family won’t change the way they eat, so, how can I?” They may displace their own frustration by being angrier and more critical of others.

c. Coaches often hear their clients explaining away risky behaviors. They may rationalize why it is okay for them to maintain the status quo. We sometimes hear intellectualizing, using facts and data to justify bad habits. Everyone seems to know some person who lived to a ripe old age and reveled in exhibiting all of the health-risk behaviors they could.

One of the causal attributions that coaches frequently hear from the client in Precontemplation is that they lack motivation. As we saw in Chapter Six, our clients often have plenty of sources of motivation, but have been lacking the “vehicle” – the behavioral change methodology, the structure that coaching can provide – to put that motivation to work. They have usually participated in action-oriented programs that urged them to start making huge changes in their lives quite suddenly.

The beauty of the TTM approach is that it honors where the person is and helps them gradually progress to where action and success can happen. The Prochaskas direct us to provide hope for our clients. Having a behavioral change ally and the support of that coaching alliance combined with a solid behavioral change process can offer so much more hope than simply trying again to change as our client has before.

By honoring client autonomy, we can avoid bringing out defensiveness in our clients. The last thing a client wants to hear is someone telling them that they are living their lives in the wrong way. There is a story behind every behavior. Our client may have any number of Social and Environmental Determinants of Health that make lifestyle improvement very challenging. The key is to help our client frame these factors as just that – challenges ‒ and offer our coaching alliance as a way to co-create strategies to deal with them.

Perhaps another strategy to consider for reducing defensiveness is to move away from the health-risk reduction approach to wellness. Instead focus on building healthy behaviors that the client is attracted to. Help them build on their strengths and engage in experiments that will result in easily achieved success at behavior change. Help them to examine their own belief systems and get in touch with positive sources of motivation.

Masterful Moment

When the more masterful coach hears justifications coming from their client, they are alerted to reflect on how they have been coaching with this person. Have they been saying anything to bring out a defensive posture? Have they been pushing their own agenda of reducing health risks too hard? Are they becoming too directive and not co-creating the conversation with their client?

Creating Forward Momentum – From Precontemplation to Contemplation

In Precontemplation our client most likely considers lifestyle improvement ever so briefly, then dismisses it.  How do we get our client not to jump into swift action, but to merely give change serious consideration, to contemplate it?  TTM offers three primary methods to help coaches tackle this imposing challenge: raising the pros while reducing the cons of change; dramatic relief; and consciousness raising.

The First Principle of Progress: Increasing Pros to Move from Precontemplation to Contemplation

Why would anyone begin to change when the reasons against such an endeavor outweigh the perceived benefits that might result?  How do we do so without a campaign of persuasion (which most likely will not work)?   Have you ever tried to convince someone to be well?  Clearly the pros of changing must outweigh the cons, but how do we help our clients to discover this?  This is where considerable coaching skill is required.

At the start of Precontemplation the cons are high, and the pros are low.  This is how our client perceives themselves and their situation.  As we begin coaching, we start with an open phase of exploration and encourage the client to engage in a process of self-assessment.  By not rushing to set up goals and action steps we avoid pushing the client beyond their stage of readiness.  The more coach and client explore together the more apparent the stage of change emerges for each behavior that is being considered for change.  The Precontemplation Stage shows up in our client’s language.  We hear our client make the case for why they believe they cannot change a particular behavior and/or do not want to.  The list of cons is recited sometimes with a sense of helplessness, sometimes defensively.  This part of the client’s story needs to be met with compassionate understanding, but not collusion.  That is, the coach can empathize but not agree with the client that change is so terribly difficult.  Reframing it as a challenge can be important here.

The coach proceeds in the coaching conversation not with the goal of stimulating the client into action, but simply to get them thinking – to weigh the pros and cons.  We can do so by:

1. Offering education. The Prochaskas do this by providing clients with extensive lists of the benefits of various lifestyle improvements.  The wellness coach may offer other resources or help the client to find more information on their own and make those efforts part of the coaching process.
2. Challenging assumptions. James Prochaska is fond of saying that people too often underestimate the benefits and overestimate the costs of change.  If our client appears to be operating on an assumption about what would be involved in making changes, it’s a perfect time to call out the assumption.  Again, a great line for the coach is “So, how do you know that to be true?”  This can build into a powerful coaching conversation about re-evaluating their pros and cons.
3. Engaging in Decisional Balance.  In the context of coaching, this would be a coaching conversation exploring with our client the pros and cons of change.  We can help our client to list the advantages and benefits of change that they are aware of.  We can help them list the ways in which change may lead to disadvantages or penalties in their life.  The Prochaskas were able to develop brief assessments of six to eight questions to help with this process (Prochaska J. a., 2016).  As they researched decisional balance they came to an important realization.  “Although we didn’t realize it for some time, we were also discovering that making the decision to change one’s behavior for improved health was nowhere near as rational and empirical as we had assumed.  Nor was it nearly as conscious.” (Prochaska J. a., 2016)

 Prochaska, James, and Prochaska, Janice (2016). Changing to Thrive: using the stages of change to overcome the top threats to your health and happiness. Center City, MN: Hazelden Publishing. https://jprochaska.com/books/changing-to-thrive-book/  

Find much more about how to coach someone from Precontemplation to Contemplation in Chapter Eight of Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft, by Dr. Michael Arloski https://wholeperson.com/store/masterful-health-and-wellness-coaching.html.

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness – a world leader in health and wellness coach training.  (www.realbalance.com). Doctor Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world.

Compassionate Detachment

January 2022! Welcome to a New Year and all of its potential. Ready to put the stresses and the tragedies of 2021 in the rearview mirror it’s a time to set intentions for a better year ahead. Hopefully you had some respite over the winter holidays and are ready to charge ahead in a positive way. Yet, the carryover, perhaps hangover, from that last year is very real for many people including ourselves and the clients we serve.

As we listen compassionately to stories of loss, grief, and challenges of all kinds, we need to find a way to be there for our clients and yet care for ourselves as well. Compassion fatigue is a common experience when we are exposed to too many stories of strife and trouble. How can we refill our own cup when it seems at times like this, others are draining it? I address this issue in Chapter Five of my new book. I offer this to you in my own spirit of compassion.

From Chapter Five – Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft, by Michael Arloski

Compassionate Detachment

We practice compassionate detachment for the benefit of our client and for our own benefit as well.

Compassionate detachment is respecting our client’s power enough to not rescue them while extending loving compassion to them in the present moment. Simultaneously compassionate detachment is also respecting ourselves enough to not take the client’s challenges on as our own and realizing that to do so serves good purpose for no one.

Compassionate detachment is an honoring of our client’s abilities, resourcefulness, and creativity. We remain as an ally at their side helping them to find their own path, their own solutions. We may provide structure, an opportunity to process thoughts and feelings, a methodology of change, and tools to help with planning and accountability, but we don’t rescue. As tempting as it is to offer our suggestions, to correct what seem to be their errant ways, to steer them toward a program that we know works, we don’t. We avoid throwing them a rope and allow them to grow as a swimmer. Sure, we are there to back them up if they go under or are heading toward a waterfall. We are ethically bound to do what we can to monitor their safe passage, but we allow them to take every step, to swim every stroke to the best of their ability.

To be compassionate with a client we have to clear our own consciousness and bring forth our nonjudgmental, open and accepting self. We have to honor their experience.

“Only in an open, nonjudgmental space can we acknowledge what we are feeling. Only in an open space where we’re not all caught up in our own version of reality can we see and hear and feel who others really are, which allows us to be with them and communicate with them properly.”
Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart

Compassionate detachment is also about giving ourselves permission to protect ourselves. Being in proximity to the pain of others is risky work. There are theories about the high rates of suicide among physicians and dentists based on this phenomenon. Compassionate detachment is also about being detached from outcome. We want the very best for our clients and will give our best toward that goal, but we give up ownership of where and how our client chooses to travel in the process of pursuing a better life. Their outcome is theirs, not ours.

Compassionate detachment is not about distancing ourselves from our client. It is not about becoming numb mentally, emotionally, or physically. It is not about treating our clients impersonally.

Compassionate detachment is being centered enough in ourselves, at peace enough in our own hearts, to be profoundly present with our clients in their pain, and in their joy, as well.

Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft, by Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC
https://www.amazon.com/Masterful-Health-Wellness-Coaching-Deepening/dp/1570253617/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1MJ0IKCHU30MJ&keywords=arloski+wellness+coaching&qid=1641835655&sprefix=Arloski+%2Caps%2C200&sr=8-3

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness Services, Inc. (www.realbalance.com). Dr. Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world. Dr. Arloski’s newest book is Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft

Consciously Well Holidays

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” This cheery tune becomes an earwig for many of us as we wander through any kind of store playing holiday muzak. However, “According to a survey, 45% of…people living in the United States would choose to skip out on the holidays, rather than deal with the stress of it all.” (https://www.claritychi.com/holiday-stress/). So, what’s so bad about holidays? Time off. Connecting with family and friends. Special delicious foods. Party-time! Sounds a lot like wellness, but what’s the all too common experience? Stress!

A poll by the American Psychological Association shows:
• Nearly a quarter of Americans reported feeling “extreme stress” come holiday time
• 69 percent of people are stressed by the feeling of having a “lack of time,”
• 69 percent are stressed by perceiving a “lack of money,”
• 51 percent are stressed out about the “pressure to give or get gifts.”
https://allonehealth.com/holiday-stress-guide/

In contrast to the holiday season we have created, the natural season in the Northern Hemisphere is the polar opposite. These are the dark days that slow us down, invite us to rest, recuperate, and replenish our energy. It’s a time better suited to reflection, contemplation, intimacy, warmth and connection. The ecology of the world – which we are part of, not separate from – dives into a biological shift that allows for dormancy, hibernation and such. As larger mammals that don’t hibernate, we do remain active, yet, it seems we try to maintain an activity level that doesn’t change as the world around us changes. Electric lights and indoor heating keep us going like it’s the middle of summer. If anything, it’s not the time of year to biologically and mentally deny us what we truly crave – a break!

“Managing” our stress is only a partial solution, and often more of an illusion. What works is recovering from stress. Psycho-physiologically we need to counterbalance the over-activation of our Sympathetic Nervous System (the Fight-Flight or Stress Response) with time spent allowing our Parasympathetic Nervous System to counteract the former, bringing out the Relaxation Response. (See my previous blog post: “The Psychophysiology of Stress – What The Wellness Coach Needs To Know” – https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=1471&action=edit)

So, how can we more consciously live in greater harmony with the winter season? How can we slow down with it and recharge our physical, mental/emotional and spiritual batteries? We can look to some cultures in the world that approach winter differently. How about some Niksen and Hygge?

In a very informative Blue Zones article, “Niksen: The Dutch Art of Purposefully Doing Nothing” author Elisabeth Almekinder (https://www.bluezones.com/2019/11/niksen-the-dutch-art-of-purposefully-doing-nothing/?utm_source=BLUE%20ZONES%20Newsletter&utm_campaign=83b24efc00-&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_9642311849-83b24efc00-200739894&mc_cid=83b24efc00&mc_eid=b37dc9f5c1&fbclid=IwAR0dxILZtARpQ6hE2xXuXrLsAziYfdTq5irSFUZu1OiGw-NWJvBxM0azMLA) shows how doing less can give us more. “Doing nothing, but with a purpose to do nothing or no purpose at all, may help to decrease anxiety, bring creativity to the surface, and boost productivity. The Dutch have perfected the practice of doing nothing, or “niksen” so well that they are some of the happiest people on earth.”

For many people, “doing nothing” may seem like a huge challenge. Our minds are usually firing on all cylinders, sometimes fueled by stimulants such as caffeine. We are often continually distracted by our work, our phones, our online activity, the radio we are playing, etc. We are almost bombarded by media about “mindfulness” which offers one alternative solution, but Niksen is slightly different. “It’s not mindfulness: a better definition would be a short period of mindless relaxation” is how Almekinder describes it. She urges us to “loosen your concept of time and productivity and practice this simple exercise from the Netherlands. Allowing your brain to rewire from stress by doing nothing is a wellness practice worth implementing. If you are sitting in a cafe, you can indulge in some stress-busting niksen but sipping your coffee and looking out the window. Leave your phone in your pocket and let your mind wander.” So, when that empty moment comes, don’t fill it in. How many of us have conditioned ourselves to reach for our phone if nothing else is handy and search for something to occupy our minds. You might say that niksen is a way to liberate your mind from occupation!

So, there is value in “spacing out” however you do it. I love to practice this as a form of observational meditation. I’m fortunate to have a great backyard inhabited by lots of birds, squirrels and a few lovely rabbits. Trees, bushes and plants change with the seasons and weather brings sunshine, wind, clouds, and sometimes rain or snow. I simply sit and watch as I rid my mind of thoughts about the rest of the world, what I need to do next, and such. The key is to simply observe. Refrain from connecting what you are seeing with what it might be related to. Just watch the snow fall without thinking about the meteorological implications.

Another culture that knows how to make the most of this time of year is Denmark. The Danes call is Hygge. I wrote about this last December in my blog post “Maximizing Wellbeing During Pandemic Holidays” https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=1662&action=edit.

“Hygge, a Danish term defined as “a quality of coziness and comfortable conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being.” Pronounced “hoo-guh,” the word is said to have no direct translation in English, though “cozy” comes close.” (https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/the-year-of-hygge-the-danish-obsession-with-getting-cozy) Taking pleasure in the simple things of life that yield contentment is a great way to make it through the winter. Whether alone, or with whomever you can get cozy with, we can slow down and give ourselves permission to “indulge” in things that give us comfort. Shutting off the television and reading a good novel under a warm blanket with a hot cup of cheer on hand can start to reframe our whole mood.”

Coaching It Up

Health & Wellness Coaching clients sometimes postpone their sessions until after the holiday season passes. While this might be fine for some, it could be the time when coaching could be of great value. Inquire with your client about how you might adjust what areas of focus they are working on to fit their more immediate concerns, such as holiday stress. Ask permission to offer some resources they might find interest in such as the information above in this post.

Current wellness goals may need some specialized attention during this time of year. Weather changes may require new strategies for being physically active as outdoor options may become more challenging. Clients may worry about maintaining progress on weight loss as they face the temptations of holiday treats, parties, etc. Explore with them their attitude, fears, and assumptions about their upcoming holiday dinner. Explore the pressures they are experiencing around holiday gift giving and their financial wellness. There is actually plenty of coaching that can be done to help our clients come through the holidays successfully.

For You and Your Client

Think about what your holiday goals are this year. Consider substituting the stresses and pressures you’ve experienced before with a whole new set of intentions. Sitting down, either by yourself or in conscious deliberation with your partner/others and set intentions for a holiday that actually meets your needs. Those needs can include sharing your abundance with others through gift giving, philanthropy or through volunteer work, etc. Think through how you can create a holiday season less focused on material wealth and more on the kind of personal, spiritual, and physical wealth that enhances your wellbeing and serves others.

Have the grandest of holidays!
Coach Michael

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness Services, Inc. (www.realbalance.com). Dr. Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world. Dr. Arloski’s newest book is Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft https://wholeperson.com/store/masterful-health-and-wellness-coaching.html

Structuring Great Wellness Coaching Sessions – Part 3 Accountability and Support

This is the third of a three-part series on Coaching Structure. In our first blog (https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2021/08/26/structuring-great-wellness-coaching-sessions-part-one-how-to-get-started/) we showed how a coach can use structure by Co-Creating The Agenda for the session to get off to a great start. In our second blog – Structuring Great Wellness Coaching Sessions – Part 2 Process and Progress (https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2021/10/18/structuring-great-wellness-coaching-sessions-part-2-process-and-progress/} we explored how effective processing leads to insight, understanding and paves the way to co-creating the Next Steps the client needs to create progress.

The Accountability Agreement

As we finish up our Next Steps part of the coaching structure in our session, we still need to arrive at clarity with our client about how they will be holding themselves accountable to follow through on their Next Steps and how we, the coach, can help.

You might say that if there was a singular contribution of coaching, in general, that put it on the map, it was accountability. In the early development of life coaching/business coaching, etc., clients sought out a way to be more accountable to themselves to accomplish the goals they were striving for. Sometimes the client was in a business structure where they were at the top of the reporting chain, so who was helping them be accountable? The value coaches provided with accountability quickly demonstrated that coaching was worth investing in.

The Key to Effective Accountability

Ultimately a client is accountable to themselves. Their coach is not their supervisor, manager, teacher or parent. The key is to set up and continuously convey through carefully chosen language that the client is accountable to themselves, not the coach. Accountability needs to be felt internally not as an external force applied by someone else. Yet, the coach needs to do something to help the client with accountability. How do they do it?

The coach supplies two things:
• A rationale for the importance of accountability and tracking behavior.
• The structure which the client uses to make accountability work and continue to create progress.

Tracking Behavior

Clients have often attempted to make lifestyle improvements without the aid of a true Wellness Plan. They sometimes have not even kept track of their progress in a measurable way. A target is set ( X number of pounds, a certain distance covered in a race, for example) but the day-to-day grind of getting to that target can fade away without consistent persistence and feedback. Not having a clear picture of how consistent the client is being allows for self-deception to leak in. The person “thinks” that they are exercising regularly, but are they?

Research shows us that the people who self-monitor their wellness efforts succeed the most. (https://www.obesityaction.org/resources/self-monitoring-the-way-to-successful-weight-management/) While it may be laborious to keep a food log, or even to use a phone app, the results support the effort. When self-monitoring is combined with live coaching (as opposed to simply the use of a digital app alone) it would seem we have the best of both worlds.

One of the best questions in coaching is: “How will you know when you are being successful?”

When the coach asks this question, even the most reluctant client will admit that they have to figure out some way to keep track of their efforts. It’s not always easy. I remember one client who said, “I like to track things…when I’m being successful!” However, facing the lack of progress can spur the coach and client on to examining strategies and making adjustments.

Co-creating Accountability Agreements

Maintaining the Coaching Mindset is crucial to setting up effective accountability agreements. This is where a Client-Centered Co-Creative Approach works best. When a coach slips into the prescriptive, consultative mindset we hear words like this:
• “I want you to…”
• “I need you to…”
• “You ought to…”
• “You should…”

“I want you to walk four days for twenty minutes each time next week.” “You ought to be drinking at least X number of ounces of water each day.” It’s easy to take charge and state what you, the coach, thought was obvious from your conversation around Next Steps. When the coach does this, they take power and autonomy away from their client.

How much different it sounds when the Coaching Mindset comes through. “So, you’ve decided on walking between now and our next appointment. Tell me about how often and how long to walk would be right for you to have a successful week.”

Accountability Methods

The most common form that accountability takes is when the client agrees to a commitment to simply report on their progress at the next coaching session. This usually works very well for most Action Steps. Coach and client write down this commitment and the coach makes sure to ask about it at the Check-In portion of the next coaching appointment.

At times, however, a lapse of seven to fourteen days between appointments may not be optimal for practicing a new behavior or seeking to make progress on an action steps that requires greater frequency. For example, beginning practicing relaxation training needs to be done fairly often during a week. Especially because it is a very new behavior to remember to perform, a system of more frequent accountability may work better. Let’s say that our client recognizes this (perhaps because the coach challenged them around it) and knows they need to connect with their accountability resource (the coach) more often. Coach and client agree that the client will email or text the coach every second or third day and report on their progress.

Don’t be a reminder service. As we say, “There are apps for that.” When a client asks for a reminder to perform their Action Step you and your client are best off if your gently refuse. Offer instead to have the client contact you (email, text, etc.) when they have actually completed the behavior. This encourages greater self-monitoring by the client and more independence which will pay off in the long run.

When wrapping up the session, here’s another important tip:

Ask your client to recall and restate to you what they have made commitments to doing as Action Steps, and how Accountability will work. This has much more power than when you tell them what has been agreed to.

The Importance of Support

Coaching for Connectedness is a vital part of Health & Wellness Coaching. We know that people who lack social support have much higher rates of all the major chronic health challenges. Exploring what sources of support a client has is an essential part of any initial Discovery or Foundation Session. When clients lack support we may see if our client wants to make that an Area of Focus for their Wellness Plan and consciously work on expanding it.

Unfortunately, coaches don’t always include checking out support as part of the Coaching Structure. When we have co-created an Action Step with our client it is important to ask:

“So, who or what else in your life can support you in doing this?”

Make this question part of how you conclude working on each and every Action Step. You, the coach will be providing support but how else can our client find support for their wellness efforts?

The Wind Beneath Your Wings

Help your client to seek out and distinguish who or what in their life will be a positive and encouraging source of support. Critical, negative, cynical and sarcastic people need not apply! Support from positive people can be the “Verbal Persuasion” or cheering on that Albert Bandura talks about as a way to build Self-Efficacy. (See my blog “Lessons From Albert Bandura For Wellness Coaches” https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/wpadmin/post.php?post=843&action=edit } Perhaps even more powerful is the type of support where others actually do the same activity as the client’s action step, and do it with them. This may take the form of an individual such as a walking buddy, or a group, such as a hiking club. Also, don’t forget about sources of support like a pet dog – the four-legged fitness trainer!

Internal Barriers and How to Ask for Support

Involving others in one’s Wellness Plan seems like a no-brainer, but such is not always the case. Your client may be inhibited to do so for various reasons. Explore their reluctance with them. You may discover that your client sees it as a sign of weakness to ask others for help. They may have had severe lessons about this earlier in their lives. They may also be embarrassed to involve others until they have had a measure of success on their own. Imagine the overweight client who doesn’t want to share yet another weight-loss effort with their friends until they feel better about their own progress.

A frequent source of support that is called upon by many clients is their partner, spouse, etc. Here the vital step may be having a crucial conversation with that person about exactly how they can be supportive, and to identify exactly what is not helpful. The coach can help with rehearsal conversations and by offering to set up accountability around just setting a time for the client to have their important conversation with their partner.

Wrapping Up

In the last couple of minutes, it’s time to wrap up the coaching session. Coaches can do this in a number of ways.

• Summarize the highlights of the sessions ¬– what was covered.
• Ask the client to share what their “take-aways”, their essential learnings from the session were.
• Ask the client to repeat what their Action Steps will be between now and the next appointment and what Accountability will be for each.
• Confirm the next appointment.
• The coach may or may not add a comment from the “Metaview” – the Big Picture of the course of the coaching to give perspective on the client’s progress.
• The coach my share something inspiring, often in the form of Acknowledgement of the client’s efforts at lifestyle improvement.

Coaching structure is your friend. Don’t make it your master. Use it well and at the same time be ready to “Dance In The Moment”.

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness Services, Inc. (www.realbalance.com). Dr. Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world. Dr. Arloski’s newest book is Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft https://wholeperson.com/store/masterful-health-and-wellness-coaching.html

Structuring Great Wellness Coaching Sessions: Part One – How to Get Started

“So!  What do you want to talk about today?”  Your client responds with the first thing on their mind.  You start processing the topic with them and then…what?  Or, you greet your client and start checking in on what they had made commitments to working on and when the first one is brought up you begin processing it and…then what?

Health and wellness coaches often struggle with launching their regular, ongoing sessions with their clients.  With an allegiance to being client centered, coaches may simply follow wherever their client leads.  The result, all too often is a rambling and less than productive session.  String enough of those kinds of sessions together and the coaching may go nowhere and end prematurely.  

We may also see a coach take the reins of the session too tightly in their fists and want to begin the session exactly where client and coach left off at the last session.   “So last time we talked about your challenges in finding people to support you in making healthy lifestyle changes.  Tell me more about how that has been going.”  The client may have come into the session wanting to focus on something entirely different than their topic a week or two ago.

Co-Creating The Agenda

When a highly functioning project team meets together to discuss their work, an effective leader will begin the meeting by gathering input from all present and work cooperatively to weave together an agenda.  All present can contribute what they see as needing to be discussed.  That information is recognized and taken in for consideration and prioritization.  Then, and only then is the agenda set and everyone knows where and how we will start the down to business part of the meeting.  Think of this same process being applied with you and your client.

Consider this structure for starting your session with your client:

• Greet and Connect.  Small talk.  Keep it brief.
• Check-in.  
  • Client reports in on their efforts at lifestyle improvement, on their action steps that they made a commitment to at the last session.
  • Coach acknowledges the client’s efforts.  Briefly acknowledges and celebrates wins.  Empathizes with disappointments.  
  • Coach and client – and here is the key – DO NOT PROCESS what the client is reporting on.  Save that for after you two  have co-created the agenda.  “That sounds really important to you.  We’ll be sure to talk about that today.  What else…”. Gather it all in.
• Co-Create The Agenda for the Session
  • Coach enquires about what else the client wants to focus on during today’s session.  Again – DO NOT BEGIN PROCESSING. You are still gathering in topics to discuss, not discussing them.
  • The coach contributes suggestions to be included in the agenda.  Yes, you are part of the “CO” in CO-CREATION.  You may want to remind your client that there is still work to be done on the creation of the client’s Wellness Plan.  You may want to hear any updates that they have from seeing their physician recently, etc.
  • Coach and client weave together an agenda for the session based upon what they mutually determine to be of importance and what order of priority they need to follow.
• Remember the Importance of Dancing in the Moment
  • Despite the co-creation of a wonderful agenda, be prepared to modify it or even abandon it entirely depending upon what happens in the session.
  • Your client may discover a profound insight that hits them emotionally and processing that may become your new priority in the here and now.  Or your client may realize that there needs to be a real shift in the focus of the coaching.
  • Expect nothing.  Be prepared for anything.
• Now You Can Begin Processing

Woman with headset in front of her laptop writing something on a paper while making a live video call with a patient or client, copy space

Step By Step – The Check In

Once coaching has been underway our clients are usually making commitments to specific Action Steps that they will work on between coaching sessions.  This, of course, is where the real lifestyle behavioral change takes place.  When those Action Steps were co-created and agreed upon at the last session there was some form of accountability set up – often just checking in at the next appointment about the progress.  Now is the time for the all-important follow through on that accountability.  Successes are celebrated as “wins”.  Acknowledging what it took (effort, strength of character, tenacity, overcoming obstacles, etc.) to succeed is the essence of the strength-based, positive psychology coach approach.  The key is to do this briefly and hold off on processing for later in the coaching session.

When our clients aren’t able to succeed in their Action Steps, we need to meet our client with compassion but not give them a “free pass” (Oh, that’s alright.  I know it’s hard to do these things.).  Acknowledge their feelings.  Empathize.  Then commit to exploring it later in the session as it often takes some real processing to make progress.  Again, this will require more time and concerted effort, so post-pone the processing until after the agenda is co-created.  Then you will have time to work on it more productively.

Step By Step – Co-creating The Agenda

Once the Check-In feels complete you will have some of the elements or topics to include in the agenda that you and your client are co-creating.  In addition to those items it is critical that you enquire about what the client wants to focus on during the session.  Do this before you suggest topics (such as picking up on subjects from the last session or taking the next step on designing their Wellness Plan).  If your client has filled out a Coaching Session Prep Form, you will have some of this information listed but still enquire directly.

Remember the meta-view. As you began to assemble your agenda ask your client some key questions:

• How is this topic related to your overall Wellness Plan?
• As we work on this together, what would progress look like?
• Ideally what is the outcome you would like to see and how will we know if we have gotten there?

That last item, frankly, I find often very difficult for clients to identify.  Do your best to help your client clarify this.  The relevance to the overall Wellness Plan is like referring to the compass that guides the whole coaching process.  If it’s not relevant, in some way, why are we talking about it? 

In an especially helpful article from the International Coaching Federation (ICF) website, (https://coachingfederation.org/blog/establish-the-agenda#) Lisa Rogoff gives some excellent guidance.  “Sometimes clients don’t show up with a clear agenda, or they think it’s clear, but we need to do some work to make it resonate. I constantly remind my client (and myself): Slow down to go fast. I’ll often spend 15 minutes crystalizing what the client wants to work on and why. It is time well spent. From there we cut through the noise and focus.”  Now, Rogoff is most likely referring to hour-long sessions which very few health and wellness coaches do, so adjust your timing accordingly.  The point is worth remembering though, the time invested up front will pay off in productivity.

Our agenda building is not quite done yet.  Co-creation means you and your client both have input on this agenda.  This is where your own session preparation pays off.  As our client’s coach we can help navigate by looking at the meta view referred to above.  It’s like on our client’s voyage of growth and discovery we can continually look at our map and see where we are on our course of progress.  We have a perspective that is difficult for our clients to step back and perceive as they struggle with their day-to-day efforts.  By referring to your notes from previous sessions you can see where your client is at with the methodology of behavioral change.  Are we rushing into simple goal setting when we have yet to help our client take stock of their wellness, strengths, assets, and resources?  This can be where our knowledge of behavioral change theory, especially for example The Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change, really pays off. (https://www.prochange.com/transtheoretical-model-of-behavior-change)

Structure is Your Friend

Structure is your friend, don’t make it your master.  Once the agenda is agreed upon you can devote the greatest part of the coaching session to processing and then go on to next steps.  We’ll share more about how this looks in our next health and wellness coaching blog.

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness Services, Inc. (www.realbalance.com).  Dr. Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching.  He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world.  Dr. Arloski’s newest book is Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft https://wholeperson.com/store/masterful-health-and-wellness-coaching.html