The Growth Mindset vs. The Fixit Mindset in Coaching

“We define mindsets as core assumptions that we have about domains or categories of things that orient us to a particular set of expectations, explanations, and goals. So to put that a little bit more simply, mindsets are ways of viewing reality, that shape, what we expect, what we understand, and what we want to do.” Alia J. Crum, PhD. (https://www.gsb.stanford.edu/insights/mindset-matters-how-embrace-benefits-stress)

As I grew up, I had the mindset that I was not mechanically inclined. Sure, I could do some things, and had served as a third hand for my high school best friend as he fixed up his old Ford with the Thunderbird engine. I, however, thought that my talents lay elsewhere. After college I bought my first ten-speed bicycle and enjoyed riding it immensely. I could change a flat and tighten up my brakes, but still held the belief that I was just not mechanically gifted. Then, in my doctoral program I started riding with a fellow student who had just left his job as a full-time bicycle mechanic. Under his tutelage I slowly opened up to doing more of my own repairs. My mindset started to give way to changing. When I had accomplished the feat of repacking my own wheel bearings, I realized that doing mechanical work was not a “gift” one was blessed with or not, it was a learning process, and the important thing was – I could do it!

The point in telling this story is that our mindsets shape who we are, or rather, who we think we are. And they shape how we coach.

Stanford University Professor and research psychologist, Alia Crum’s work on mindset helps us understand its importance and relevance to our field of wellness coaching.

“Mindsets are core assumptions we make about the things and processes in the world that orient us to a particular set of expectations, explanations, and goals, for example: “aging is an inevitable decline”, “cancer is a catastrophe”, “healthy foods are disgusting and depriving.” The world is complex and uncertain and yet we need to predict what will happen in order to act. Mindsets are our human way of simplifying and understanding a complex reality. The mindsets we adopt are not right/wrong, true/false, but they do have an impact. Mindsets can change our reality by shaping what we pay attention to, how we feel, what we do, and what our bodies prioritize and prepare to do.” (https://www.parulsomani.com/post/mindsets-q-a-with-dr-alia-crum-stanford-psychology)

Check out Dr. Crum’s work on how our mindsets create our own reality and affect our responses to exercise, food and stress. (https://psychology.stanford.edu/people/alia-crum)

The concept of the Growth Mindset vs. the Fixed Mindset was pioneered by a Stanford Colleague of Crum’s: Dr. Carol Dweck. Her work showed us the tremendous effects of the mindset we hold about intelligence. Is your intelligence fixed, or malleable? Here are some thoughts from an excellent blog about Dweck’s work. “Your view of yourself can determine everything. If you believe that your qualities are unchangeable — the fixed mindset — you will want to prove yourself correct over and over rather than learning from your mistakes.” “…as you begin to understand the fixed and growth mindsets, you will see exactly how one thing leads to another— how a belief that your qualities are carved in stone leads to a host of thoughts and actions, and how a belief that your qualities can be cultivated leads to a host of different thoughts and actions, taking you down an entirely different road.” “In fact Dweck takes this stoic approach, writing: “in the growth mindset, failure can be a painful experience. But it doesn’t define you. It’s a problem to be faced, dealt with, and learned from.” “We can still learn from our mistakes. The legendary basketball coach John Wooden says that you’re not a failure until you start to assign blame. That’s when you stop learning from your mistakes – you deny them.”
(https://fs.blog/carol-dweck-mindset/)

Growth Mindset vs. Fixit Mindset in Coaching

Allow me to extrapolate on Dwek’s work and think of the mindset we hold in coaching both towards ourselves and our client. The wellness field is founded on the principles and concepts of people like Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers, and others who saw people being drawn towards actualizing their potential. This emphasis on personal growth is also foundational to the coaching field. When we work with a client do we see their personal growth as the ultimate goal of coaching, or do we view coaching primarily as problem solving? Growth mindset or ‘fixit’ mindset?

The Growth Mindset in coaching is about possibilities. In coaching we do strategic problems solving, but so much more. We ask “What’s possible? What could be?” We operate on a growth mindset instead of asking “What’s wrong and how can we fix it?”

Remember Alia Crum’s words “mindsets are ways of viewing reality, that shape, what we expect, what we understand, and what we want to do.” When we approach a coaching session as a time when we help our client to work on their ‘issues’, we may be still operating from a clinical mindset, or at least from a consultant mindset, instead of a coaching mindset. Are we always looking for a problem to solve? Many consultants name their business XXXX Solutions, Inc. Are we framing coaching as mostly a solution-finding process? I see books on coaching that hold out the promise of teaching you a method to get to the heart of the problem/issue quickly and effectively. Is that what coaching is all about?

Perhaps our client comes to us to work on managing their stress better. If we take a problem-solving approach to stress management, we are flirting with futility (as well as infinity). With the Fixit Mindset, there will always be a problem to work on, one arising as another is resolved, keeping the client in a continual game of “whack a mole.”

Evoke Transformation

The authors of Co-Active Coaching (a truly foundational book of the field of life coaching) set out four Cornerstones of Coaching to give us a foundation to build on. (https://coactive.com/resources/books/coactive-coaching-4th-edition)
The fourth Cornerstone is EVOKE TRANSFORMATION. We are urged to approach coaching as a growth process, one that results in the person transforming into their best self, living their best life possible. When we coach from a Growth Mindset, we are framing the whole process through that lens. We are coaching for what’s possible, for the actualization of that person’s potential, for what could be.

While we may have a client who simply wants to get more sleep or prevent the onset of a chronic illness. Perhaps a fairly straightforward behavioral process based on sound coaching structure enables them to succeed with just that. Yet, we are serving our client best when we interact with them in such a way that we are honoring their autonomy, holding them to be “naturally creative, resourceful and whole.” (The first of the Cornerstones of Coaching.). Who knows what our client may discover on their coaching journey if we are approaching the coaching process with a whole-person approach and a Growth Mindset.

Part of our challenge is that most of our clients come to us with a Fixit Mindset of their own. They are used to working with consultants that analyze their problem and make recommendations. While that works fine for treatment, it doesn’t really fit what we do in coaching.

Some clients also show up with no discernable ‘problems’. Their health may be just fine, for now. The wise coach will praise the person for their good health and inquire if they have a conscious plan for how to stay that way. So, in effect, prevention itself fits the Growth Mindset better than a Fixit Mindset. As we explain how coaching works and build the coaching alliance, we help our clients to make a mindset shift of their own.

Default to Growth

Mindsets are like default settings. When we have made the shift from a Fixit Mindset to a Growth Mindset it is what we default to, over and over again. Of course, we help our clients to solve problems, to identify and overcome barriers, to do strategic thinking, brainstorming and more. With a Growth Mindset the problems are solved in order for the person to grow, not just as an end unto themselves.

Maslow’s theory of Self-Actualization always maintained that we human beings have a natural, innate drive towards actualizing our potentials. Barriers arise that hold us back and prevent us from moving forward in that actualization process. But when we are able to remove those barriers the growth process takes over and we grow and thrive. Coach with the lofty goal of transformation.

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness – a world leader in health and wellness coach training (https://realbalance.com/). Doctor Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world.

The Zone of Compassion: More Thoughts on the Heart of Coaching

How do we allow ourselves to enter the zone of compassion, and what holds us back from going there? How do we keep our “coherent sense of self” that Erik Erikson talked about intact when we connect with the ‘other’? (Allow me to use the term ‘other’ to refer to a person or persons, clients, or otherwise throughout this piece.).

I took on the question of Compassionate Detachment in a previous blog “Compassionate Detachment” (https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2022/01/10/compassionate-detachment/) where I shared a portion of Chapter Five from my book Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft (https://wholeperson.com/store/masterful-health-and-wellness-coaching.html).

“Compassionate detachment is respecting our client’s power enough to not rescue them while extending loving compassion to them in the present moment. Simultaneously compassionate detachment is also respecting ourselves enough to not take the client’s challenges on as our own and realizing that to do so serves good purpose for no one.”

I also explored this subject in my blog “The Quandary of Closeness And Compassion in Coaching” (https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2018/08/03/the-quandary-of-closeness-and-compassion-in-coaching/ ). These blogs looked at Compassion Fatigue, at how we can move from Depletion to Replenishment as a way to recover from such fatigue, the mindset needed for compassion, and more.

The more I consider this subject though, the deeper it is. There is almost a myth in our thinking about compassion that some people buy into – that entering the zone of compassion is not safe. The danger is to feel too much, to connect too completely with the feelings of the other. It is a myth because it does not have to be true.

My Own Compassionate Center

When I am feeling secure in myself, grounded in who I am, more centered in my life, physically and emotionally, I am more able to be compassionate. When I am not, does it feel like I have more to protect? Will connecting with the other appear like a threat to what I have left? So, to access my compassion, to enter that Zone of Compassion, one of the best things I can do is be compassionate with myself and regularly engage in self-care.

One thing that can hold us out of that Zone is the fear that the burden of the other will become too much for me to bear. The Zone of Compassion is joining the other person as an ally, not as a co-owner of the burden that person feels. Compassionate detachment allows us to be there with the other without taking on the burden with them.

Judgment Separates Us

Judgment can be a defense to avoid connecting with the feelings that know compassion. When we judge we instantly separate ourselves from the other person. We put distance between ourselves and them. We may shudder at the thought of being in the other’s predicament, in living a life like theirs, and so we pull back.

In health and wellness coaching it is often easy to spot the self-defeating behaviors that work against our client’s health and wellbeing. We then can quickly move to judge the person’s character, values, etc.

Making a distinction is not the same as making a judgment. We can distinguish between the person and the person’s behavior. We can distinguish between high-risk health behaviors and behaviors that enhance one’s health. The key is what do we do with our awareness in making that distinction. How do we communicate that awareness to the other?

Sharing an Observation

Trust your client to work with what you share with them. When we see someone engaging in some sort of self-defeating behavior, we might simply share what we are observing without judgment. “As you told me about your weekend, I noticed that you mentioned passing up opportunities to connect with others three times?” Such a sentence must be said without a tone that implies judgement. Judgement can slip into our conversation in very sneaky ways! Just share the observation and let your client work with it. If they don’t, refrain from pushing. The time may not be right to explore it. Remember, we are their ally, not their inquisitor.

Empathy as a Conduit of Compassion

Expressing empathic understanding allows the other to feel like they are not alone facing their burden. Empathy conducts connection which allows compassion to be felt. When empathy is transmitted well and received well, it is like there is an infusion of energy into the person receiving empathic understanding. They light up! And often lighten up. Empathy turns on a light that allows a person to often gain a new perspective very different from the one they experienced when they felt all alone in the darkness.

Far too often we reach for the fix-it tool instead of first connecting with the other through empathy. We really want to help, and we try to make things better.

“Because the truth is, rarely, can a response make things better. What makes things better is connection.” Brené Brown

A key to compassion is to imagine it like an image of two people together, standing, or sitting, side by side. If the person expressing compassion projects an image of being above the other, ‘helping’ them, the attempt at compassion will come across like sympathy, not empathy. Compassion is shoulder to shoulder, side by side, heart to heart.

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness – a world leader in health and wellness coach training (https://realbalance.com/). Doctor Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world.

Top Ten Books for Health & Wellness Coaching

Winter is a great time for coaches to rest up, reflect and recharge their energy. It’s a great time to also work on your ongoing professional development and what better way this time of year than to cozy up with a good book!

Many of you are taking your professional development as a health & wellness coach seriously and are preparing to take the certification exam of the National Board for Health & Wellness Coaching (https://nbhwc.org). It is definitely an exam to be taken seriously! Concerted preparation is needed to pass, even for seasoned health & wellness professionals.

Many people find that being part of an Exam Study Group with other coaches can be extremely valuable. Some great resources are the Exam Study Groups offered by Real Balance Global Wellness (Starting Jan. 9, 2023. (https://realbalance.com/study-group-for-the-national-exam-july-2022). These groups are open to anyone preparing for the exam, not just Real Balance alumni. We have been offering these groups for years and they are led by two of our Real Balance faculty: Annalise Evenson and Michelle Lesperance.

Here are the Top Ten Books that Annalise, Michelle and myself would recommend that you include in your exam preparation as well as for your own professional development as a coach.

BOOK IT!

NUMBER ONE: Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft. Michael Arloski.
(https://wholeperson.com/store/masterful-health-and-wellness-coaching.html)

I’m unabashedly recommending my own book first for one very practical reason – one of the central purposes in writing this book was to put all of the major behavioral change theories for health & wellness coaches preparing for the national exam in one place and show how they apply to coaching.

Appreciative Inquiry – Chapter Four
Positive Psychology – Chapter Four
Self-Determination Theory – Chapter Six
Social Cognitive Theory – Chapter Six
Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change – Chapter Eight
Motivational Interviewing – Chapter Nine

It is also worth noting that all the content regarding The Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change in Chapter Eight was edited for me by Drs. James and Janice Prochaska. In Chapter Nine, all the content regarding Motivational Interviewing was edited by Dr. Adam Aréchiga, a professor of Psychology at Loma Linda University who has taught M.I. courses for years.

Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching will also teach you about: coaching skills at a high level; how to coach clients with health challenges; how to be directive yet remain within the client-centered heart of coaching. It also explores how to use self-disclosure effectively; how to avoid collusion, and many more topics that are relevant to the national exam.

NUMBER TWO: Changing to Thrive by James and Janice Prochaska. (https://jprochaska.com/books/changing-to-thrive-book/)

A thorough understanding of the Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change is foundational for anyone practicing health & wellness coaching. In Changing to Thrive, the Prochaskas draw upon their countless research studies to show the coach how to work with clients at every one of the six stages of change. Especially helpful is the material on how to work with the person in Pre-Contemplation and help them simply move to Contemplation. While the original work on the Stages of Change model was done primarily in clinical settings, in this book the Prochaskas use examples related to challenges that health and wellness coaching clients frequently face. It is critical that coaches learn how to co-create with their clients, action steps that are ‘stage appropriate’. The book also provides coaches with 12 Principals of Progress that can help guide our clients through the stages of change to healthy lifestyle improvement.

NUMBER THREE: Wellness Coaching for Lasting Lifestyle Change, 2ND Ed. Michael Arloski
(https://wholeperson.com/store/wellness-coaching-for-lasting-lifestyle-change.shtml)

Top of the list before Masterful was published, this was the first major book specifically on health & wellness coaching and set much of the foundation for the field. Used as a primary text by many health & wellness coach training programs/schools, this Amazon review by Jennifer Rogers describes its value well. “I am currently utilizing my coaching skills as I start up a health coaching program in a teaching hospital’s primary care setting. I used Dr. Arloski’s original book as my coaching Bible. As I read through his second edition I am just as impressed. He makes wellness attainable to all of us by his deep understanding of behavioral health. The references to other founders in the wellness field and mentions of helpful resources truly makes this book an invaluable resource. He has done all the hard work for us coaches and passed it on to us in this book. Every time I read a new chapter and apply it in the coaching session, myself and the client benefit. This book is a go to guide for all coaches and for anyone who wants to make sustainable lifestyle changes.”

NUMBER FOUR: Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change, Third Edition. Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (https://www.amazon.com/Motivational-Interviewing-Helping-People-Applications/dp/1609182278/ref=sr_1_1?gclid=Cj0KCQiAtbqdBhDvARIsAGYnXBN6cm3WP-VDrrXLL_mRnCB2ScAkiJP1KpaVEoluwBJxerEHV0zpqaQaAqNKEALw_wcB&hvadid=241591702995&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=1014517&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=13138936209095786326&hvtargid=kwd-43267252088&hydadcr=15557_10342300&keywords=motivational+interviewing+3rd+edition&qid=1672421889&sr=8-1)

Motivational Interviewing or “MI” is another foundational resource for health & wellness coaches. This 3rd Edition presents the methodology of MI in a thorough but very understandable manner. As Adam Aréchiga put it, MI and coaching do a lot of the same things, they just call it by different names. While Miller and Rollnick come right out in this text and say the names of all of these skills and methods don’t matter, the wise exam taker would be prudent in learning these terms, especially for all the various types of reflections. I also found many hidden gems in this book that can truly enhance the skills of any coach.

NUMBER FIVE: Coaching Psychology Manual. Moore, M., Jackson, E., & Tschannen-Moran, B.
(https://www.amazon.com/Coaching-Psychology-Lippincott-Williams-Wilkins/dp/0781772621)

Another foundational book of the field, Coaching Psychology Manual is an easy read that is very comprehensive. A great blend of theory, tools and practical application. A must for exam preparation.

NUMBER SIX: Co-Active Coaching: The Proven Framework for Transformative Conversations at Work and in Life, 4th Ed.. Kimsey-House, H., Kimsey-House, K., Sandahl, P., Whitworth,L., Phillips, A. (https://www.amazon.com/Co-Active-Coaching-audiobook/dp/B07LGF815Q/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1ARJZ1WP9DA0Y&keywords=co-active+coaching+4th+edition&qid=1672423077&s=books&sprefix=Co-Active+Coaching%2Cstripbooks%2C212&sr=1-1)

One of, if not the best, books ever on coaching foundational principals and coaching skills. The authors were among the initial pioneers of the life coaching field and the founders of Coaches Training Institute. Deepen your understanding of the skills used across all types of coaching.

NUMBER SEVEN: Becoming a Professional Life Coach: Lessons from the Institute of Life Coach Training. Williams, Patrick and Menendez, Diane. (https://wwnorton.com/books/9780393708363)

Tied with Co-Active Coaching for just about the best book on coaching skills, presence, etc. Becoming a Professional Life Coach provides you with a rich understanding of coaching mindset and methods. Numerous scenarios and dialogues give the coach a real feel for how to implement these principals. Joy and creativity in coaching come through in this book urging coaches to stretch and grow.  3rd edition just out.

NUMBER EIGHT: Your Journey To A Healthier Life: Paths of Wellness Guided Journal, Vol. 1, 2nd Ed. Michael Arloski (https://wholeperson.com/store/your-journey-to-a-healthier-life.shtml)

This journal lays out the whole Wellness Mapping 360 Methodology for lifestyle improvement for clients to use either with a coach, or if they are quite self-directed, on their own. As such it becomes a very useful workbook for the coach to understand coaching methodology and understand how lifestyle behavioral change can happen effectively. Numerous tools included.

NUMBER NINE: How to Be a Health Coach: An Integrative Wellness Approach Third Edition. Meg Jordan. (https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Health-Coach-Integrative/dp/B09XJGVDHQ/ref=sr_1_1?crid=16JWJUA2ODES3&keywords=how+to+be+a+health+coach+meg+jordan&qid=1672681245&s=books&sprefix=Meg+Jordan%2Cstripbooks%2C151&sr=1-1)

A great resource from one of the great wellness pioneers, and my comrade in being a founding member of the NBHWC, Meg Jordan. To quote from the book’s own review “The new 3rd edition of this highly valued and popular textbook offers updated behavior change models, theories and essential healthy lifestyle information with the biometric data coaches need to know. Also included: comprehensive, actionable lessons for the key competencies needed for the NBHWC exam; new guidelines for group coaching, a vastly improved index; coaching templates for doing intake sessions, initial meetings, ongoing sessions, motivational interviewing, and for closing the coaching relationship; client agreement forms; and several types of Wellness Wheels for use with clients.”

NUMBER TEN: Professional Coaching Competencies: The Complete Guide. Goldvarg, D., Mathews, P., and Perel, N. (https://www.amazon.com/Professional-Coaching-Competencies-Complete-Guide/dp/1532376820)

A comprehensive, hands-on guide to understanding and applying the International Coaching Federation (https://coachingfederation.org/) professional coaching competencies to your coaching. Michelle found this book very helpful when she studied for the ICF Exam.

Honorable Mentions

There are so many honorable mentions that they deserve a blog post of their own, some to include that Annalise and Michelle recommended would be:

Nurse Coaching: Integrative Approaches for Health and Wellbeing by Dossey, Luck and Schaub.
Atomic Habits by James Clear
One Small Step Can Change Your Life, The Kaizen Way by Robert Maurer.
Thrive by Martin Seligman
Taming Your Gremlin by Rick Carson
Fierce Self-Compassion by Kristen Neff
Tiny Habits by B J Fogg
Coaching Questions: A Coach’s Guide to Powerful Asking Skills by Tony Stoltzfus
Change Your questions Change Your Life by Marilee Adams

Some other wellness favorites:

The Blue Zones, Dan Buettner
The Wellness Workbook, Jack Travis & Regina Ryan
The Open Heart Companion, Maggie Lichtenberg
The Craving Mind, Judson Brewer
Raw Coping Power, Joel Bennet
The Way We’re Working Isn’t Working, Tony Schwartz
The Spectrum: A Scientifically Proven Program to Feel Better, Live Longer, Lose Weight, and Gain Health by Dean Ornish

On Buying Books

To save considerable money buying these books, look to book brokers that draw from hundreds of independent used bookstores. I often buy from https://www.abebooks.com

So there you have it! Kick off the New Year with cozy cup of your favorite wellness beverage and a good book!

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness – a world leader in health and wellness coach training (https://realbalance.com/). Doctor Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world.

More Creative Health & Wellness Coaching

A stimulating conversation with a colleague launched me on an exploration of how we can allow ourselves to be more creative in the coaching work we do. A mark of a more masterful coach that I’ve always observed is their ability to be creative in the moment in ways that enhanced the coaching process. Watching them work, I would see inventive experiments emerge that were not just tricks from an old reliable bag, but fresh adventures for the client to try out. What allows a coach to come up with something new that fits the moment and catalyzes the client’s growth? Creativity has relevance to health and wellness coaching in a number of ways.

Creativity and Wellness

Connecting with our own creative energy can actually enhance our health. An article in Forbes (https://www.forbes.com/sites/ashleystahl/2018/07/25/heres-how-creativity-actually-improves-your-health/?sh=239e16fd13a6) “Here’s How Creativity Actually Improves Your Health” shows at least five ways how it does. From increasing happiness, reducing dementia, boosting our immune system, and making us smarter to improving our mental health, creativity can play a vital role in our health and wellness.

Creative Self-Expression and Mental Health

“Creative self-expression is taking an idea and bringing it to life. A way to assert one’s creativity is through art, dance, songs, paintings, music, writing, and many other similar arts. The need to express oneself is believed to be important for mental health. When you suppress yourself, you’re harming no one else but your own self.” (https://goodmenproject.com/mental-health-awareness/how-creative-self-expression-may-help-maintain-mental-health/) As we engage in a creative process it helps focus our minds. Instead of the multi-tasking temptations of our over-stimulated world, we experience the flow of the present moment as we focus on only one thing. The above article also describes how creative self-expression can help to overcome trauma and reduce depression. It also addresses how it can help to increase self-esteem.

Years ago, I coached a client who knew that the more he engaged in creative self-expression, the more centered, grounded, and effective he would be in his business as a busy insurance agency owner. My coaching with this very self-directed person was mostly about helping him stay on track and accountable to himself with his pottery, photography, and writing. The more he expressed himself this way, the more confident and self-assured he was in his business.

Creativity Coaching

A special niche in the life coaching world is that of Creativity Coaching. There is even a Creativity Coaching Association to help coaches who work helping their clients to tap more into the creative process. “Creativity Coaches are similar to life coaches but focus more specifically on your creative work. Creativity Coaches help you to develop your artistic and humanistic talents. Creativity Coaches have helped thousands of artists, writers, inventors, entrepreneurs and other creative souls to accomplish their dreams.” (https://www.creativitycoachingassociation.com)

Creativity in the Coaching Process

There are two aspects of creativity in the coaching process. One is helping our clients to reconnect with their own creativity and the other is the use of creativity by the coach.

In a short, but excellent article, (https://coachingfederation.org/blog/creativity-in-coaching) Nour Azhari contends that the ICF definition of coaching – “partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential” implies that a key role is played by creativity. She shows how this can help clients break unhealthy patterns of behavior. “With the help of a coach, clients can embrace their creativity and envision a desired future state in which they’ve let go of their unwanted patterns. Consequently, they can start to feel more aligned with achievement. In other words, the unconscious mind viscerally believes that the change has already happened, which leads to the development of more self-serving thoughts and behaviors. This shift in the thought-emotion-behavior triad becomes the foundation for change, providing the motivation to move from where they currently are to where they want to be.”

The author goes on to show how creativity can also help clients to identify alternative strategies for existing problems. I recently did this with a client by simply helping them break out of a stuck pattern of thinking where they felt like their business development was going nowhere. By using metaphor to shift perspective from how far she had to go to be successful to how far she had come already, she was able to see a much more optimistic way forward.

The Creative Coach

Azhari outlines how at least three processes can be used by the coach to enhance client access to their creativity.

1. Establish psychological safety. When we provide those Rogerian Facilitative Conditions of Coaching – empathy, warmth, genuiness and unconditional positive regard – our clients can engage in creative and innovative thinking safe from judgment.
2. Guide clients into a state of mindfulness. I like to define mindfulness simply as “noticing without judgment”. Again, from Azhari’s blog “It has been found to help develop many of the skills that support greater creativity including decreased fear of judgment, better working memory, more empathy and open-mindedness, and the ability to respond instead of reacting impulsively to difficult situations. Guiding your client into mindful states through meditations, relaxation exercises, or visualizations will help them foster the skills they need to enhance their creative abilities.”
3. Tap into our creativity. “In order to master the art of coaching and answer the question, ‘what will be most useful for my client at this particular moment?’, the coach needs to access their own creativity.  A competent coach is flexible and innovative in their approach, responding spontaneously to the client’s needs without any attachments to what ‘generally works.’ In fact, coaches directly inspire their clients to push their boundaries solely by modeling this creative behavior.” (https://coachingfederation.org/blog/creativity-in-coaching)

Connecting With Our Own Creativity – What Helps and Hinders

Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, and The Right to Write, (https://juliacameronlive.com) says that “When a creative artist is fatigued it is often from too much inflow, not too much outflow.” Think about that. When you are hit with so much input from so many sources throughout your day, what do you experience? Anxiety, overwhelm, worry, or perhaps we just call it stress. Not exactly the scenario for the rise of creativity.

When I wrote Wellness Coaching for Lasting Lifestyle Change and Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft, (https://wholeperson.com/cgi-wholeperson/sb/productsearch.cgi?storeid=*101fd218a90764414afb) what helped the most were the writing retreats that I took. Camping or going to friend’s cabin in the Rocky Mountains allowed me to get away from email, the internet, and the chores of daily life. I would mix in writing with breaks where hiking and trout fishing allowed my mind to not just rest, but to subconsciously continue to work while I meditated through walking and working a fly line back and forth. Contiguous time emersed in the writing process allowed me to conceptualize those books in ways that an hour here or there would never permit. My wife Deborah calls it turning down the volume when we can away from the noise of life. Perhaps getting away from the ‘noise’ allows us to really hear what is going on.

Structure and Creativity

“Structure is your friend. Don’t make it your master.”
Michael Arloski

Reducing input helps free up our creativity, so does having a helpful balance with our use of structure in the coaching process. Structure provides the framework that we build on with our clients. Having a real coaching methodology enables a productive process with a beginning, a middle and an end. Clients take stock of their wellness, get clear about what they want – their Well Life Vision, and create a Wellness Plan to get there. The key is for coaches to uniquely adapt coaching structure in each session, and overall, to our individual client and what is happening in the moment. (Dancing In The Moment: Awareness of The Coaching Process/Interaction https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2010/08/29/dancing-in-the-moment-awareness-of-the-coaching-processinteraction-2) (Dancing In The Moment: Three Keys To Thinking On Your Feet During The Coaching Process https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2011/04/04/dancing-in-the-moment-three-keys-to-thinking-on-your-feet-during-the-coaching-process)
When coaches fall into using scripts, protocols, or formats that they rigidly adhere to creativity is seldom given a chance to emerge. It’s letting go of that attachment to coaching routine that opens new possibilities.

The Creative Stretch

Allowing ourselves to be creative as we coach is rewarding to both us and our clients. It keeps the coaching alive, fresh, and fun. When we decide to let our creativity materialize it comes down to a decision about risk. Is this creative experiment a ‘stretch’ or a ‘risk’? We want to stay in the ‘stretch zone’ and help our clients decide if something is entering their ‘risk zone’. We enter this territory first of all, by asking their permission for what we propose. We may suggest that our client try on a new perspective, play with metaphor, engage in a visualization process, tell a story, or use any number of creative ideas. We stay within our scope of practice as a coach and help our clients to grow.

“Creativity occurs in the moment, and in the moment we are timeless.”

“The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.”

Both quotes by Julia Cameron

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness – a world leader in health and wellness coach training. (www.realbalance.com). Doctor Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world.

The Coaching Conversation: Facilitating Versus Contributing

Coach training often talks about the importance of the ‘Coaching Conversation’. What is it exactly and how is it very different from a Social Conversation?

Coach Patrick Williams (https://drpatwilliams.com) describes the Coaching Conversation as:

Coaching is a conversation where the client gets to say what they have not said, think what they have not thought, and even dream out loud with a committed listener…That is when magic may occur.

Facilitating versus Contributing

As coaching students begin to practice coaching, they sometimes come to a place in the dialogue with their client where they have no idea how to contribute to the conversation. A silence ensues and shortly becomes awkward. The coach may attempt to rescue the conversation by throwing out the best question they can come up with in the moment.

These awkward silences rarely come up in our social conversations. When we sit with a friend at a coffee or tea shop and converse, we both share and contribute to the conversation. A person thinks “How can I add to the conversation? Can I inquire more about what the other person is saying? Do I have a similar experience that I can share? Perhaps this is where I want to share my opinion about this topic.” The conversation develops and hopefully becomes richer as both parties contribute.

Coaching conversations are different. Instead of contributing to the conversation, our job is to facilitate the conversation. We facilitate the client’s own work, their exploration, their clarification, their focus, their decision making, etc. What we contribute is our expertise at facilitation, growth facilitation.

The coach has the dual task of deeply listening to our client and considering how we can facilitate the client’s processing. Sometimes it is about giving evidence to the client that we are, in fact listening and comprehending what the client is saying. Paraphrasing, reflecting and summarizing what the client is saying show that we are listening and helps the client to stay focused or helps them focus better.

The facilitative coach is asking themselves: “How can I help my client to reflect upon their thinking/emotions/behavior? How can I help them to explore more, to question, to examine? How can I infect them with curiosity about themselves?”

The Intention of our Contributions

Even the best facilitative coach does make contributions to the Coaching Conversation but their intention in doing so is to facilitate their client’s work. We are not merely acting as a sounding board who mirrors our client’s speech. We share observations. We suggest tools to use. We offer valid resources. We share self-disclosures in an effective and coach-like way. (Self-Disclosure in Coaching – When Sharing Helps and Hinders https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2012/03/02/self-disclosure-in-coaching-when-sharing-helps-and-hinders/). In other words, there are many times when we coaches are being directive but doing so in a Client-Centered way. (Client-Centered Directiveness: An Oxymoron That Works – Part One https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2016/09/13/client-centered-directiveness-an-oxymoron-that-works-part-one) (Client-Centered Directiveness: An Oxymoron That Works – Part Two: Adapting To Your Client https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2016/10/12/client-centered-directiveness-an-oxymoron-that-works-part-two-adapting-to-your-client )

Reporting Versus Exploring

Another way we facilitate the Coaching Conversation is to help re-direct our client back to the process of exploration when they are, instead, merely reporting what they have been doing. After we listen to our client’s reports about how they managed to carry out their committed action steps from our last appointment the key is to shift to helping them to learn from their experience. When we let our client go on and on detailing everything they ate, every step they took carrying out a commitment it often leads to little insight or progress. Our client knows what they did. They are not exploring new territory, and instead are taking us for another walk around their neighborhood, or worse, a trip down a rabbit hole.

Client: So, I got in my four walks last week.

Coach: Excellent! Tell me about those walks.

Client: Well, I had an errand to run in town, so I drove down Elizabeth Avenue and parked in city parking garage there. Then I walked from there to the post office where I bought some stamps. Then I cut across Midland Park to the bike path and…

Coach: Excuse me. That’s great that you’re combining your errands with getting your steps in. Tell me more about what you saw as you went through the park and along the bike path.

Client: You know, I’m really glad I took that route. It was a beautiful day, not too hot, and there were so many flowers in bloom in the park. It was lovely. And the bike path wasn’t too busy so I could watch some of the ducks swimming about on the creek that the path goes along.

Coach: Wow! So, you not only got your movement in, but you also had such an enjoyable experience doing it. You slowed down and noticed so many things you could enjoy that made getting out on a walk more fun!

Sometimes we have to assert that the Coaching Conversation is a two-way conversation. We don’t want to teach our clients that coaching is only about “You Talk and I Listen”. We actively participate in the conversation (with our facilitative intention). That may, at times, mean respectfully interrupting our clients to nudge them away from becoming mired in details and redirecting them to, in this case, notice some of the benefits of experience that feed intrinsic motivation. We want our client to recall their experience and profit from doing so. What did they notice and experience that was positive and would make doing the behavior again more appealing? That nudge may also take the form of asking them of the relevance what they have been saying has to their goals or wellness plan. To do so the coach has to hold the bigger picture in mind.

Holding The Big Picture

The coach has another simultaneous challenge, that of being a great listener whose coaching presence is focused on the present moment while at the same time holding the perspective of how what is happening in that moment fits into the bigger picture of the coaching process. While we are right here, right now with our client, listening intently to not only what they are saying but how they are saying it, we have to also be putting what is being said in the context of the coaching work we are doing with our client.

In the back of our minds, we are considering: How many sessions have we already had? How does this relate to what the client has told me before? How is it relevant to their Wellness Plan? Is this congruent with what they have told me about their values and what they wanted to accomplish in coaching? Somehow, we combine this broader context with the present moment. Not easy for us to do, but when we are able to do this, it provides structure and perhaps perspective for our client that can be valuable.

The Safe Container

Another distinction between the Coaching Conversation and the Social Conversation is the sanctity of ‘where’ it takes place. Providing the Facilitative Conditions of Coaching (The Facilitative Conditions of Coaching: The Essence of the Coaching Relationship https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2011/06/22/the-facilitative-conditions-of-coaching-the-essence-of-the-coaching-relationship) : empathic understanding, unconditional positive regard and authenticity and genuiness combined with a professional level of confidentiality allows the client to feel safe, heard and understood. Knowing that they are speaking with an ally who has their best interests at heart, trust builds, and the client feels like they can say whatever they need to say and not be judged. This is what makes the Coaching Conversation special.

As we get more comfortable with our role as conversation facilitator, the Coaching Conversation becomes easier, lighter, and often more fun. Knowing that we are not responsible for ‘fixing’ our client, that they are responsible for their own choices in life and lifestyle, we can relax into being that ally who assists our client in accomplishing what they want to accomplish, that ally that, hopefully, assists them in living their best life possible.

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness – a world leader in health and wellness coach training. (www.realbalance.com). Doctor Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world.

Health & Wellness Coaching via ZOOM: Tips for Better Sessions

Most coaching has always been done remotely, primarily via telephone. Nowadays coaches and clients hold many, if not most, of their sessions via some form of video conferencing platform. Zoom, GoTo Meeting and many other apps and services allow us to coach clients all around the globe. What fun it can be to have clients on several continents, and perhaps others just across town, yet see them “live”.

Reviewing video session of coaches and their clients in action has led me to some interesting observations. There are definitely some ways in which coaches must be very conscious about how they are conducting such sessions. Here are some tips for how to Zoom it up and still do your best coaching.

Coaching Presence

• Look at the camera

While telephonic coaching sessions allow you to look at your notes, let your eyes wander, etc., you have to treat a video session like an in-person meeting. Would you ask a question with your head turned down and to the side in-person? Remember your client is (or may be) looking to the screen and is naturally seeking eye contact just like in all other visual human interactions. Look at where your camera lens is located on your device, not on the eyes of your client on the screen. The bigger the device – like a desktop computer – the more the gap between the two. Even when your client is looking all over the place, keep your coaching presence as “live and in-person” as possible.

• Be aware of your surroundings.

No, this is not a street safety warning, it’s about the background of your coaching setting. Your client wants a professional coach, not someone coaching in their bedroom with an unkempt bed visible behind the coach. Now, of course coaches long ago discovered that working from home is a great way to hold down costs. If you don’t have a room that is either suitably neutral or professional looking you have a few options. 1) Go with a background screen (lots available online). 2) Use a virtual background. Virtual backgrounds however have some drawbacks visually. If you move a bit, the back of you head may go into that science fiction warp speed look. You’ve all seen this before and know how distracting it can be.  3) Convert an area of your dwelling into a proper looking space for your video sessions.

• Dress the part

Maybe somewhere in between!

Dress like a pro. Dress for success. Business casual will do fine. Ditch the tee-shirt. Why is this important? Like your “office” surroundings, appearances convey a sense of competence and reliability, which combined with compassion are the three building blocks of trust. You want your clients to be able to trust you with personal and sensitive information. They may be struggling with lifestyle improvement goals that are vital to their health, wellbeing, or even their survival. Think of it this way. If you would like to get referrals from medical professionals, would you like them to see you conducting a session that had a “super-informal” look? It is all part of your Coaching Presence.

• Anticipate potential disturbances

Dealing with interruptions isn’t easy. Working at home can easily collide with other members of the household, both two-legged and four-legged. While most clients are quite understanding and forgiving of the occasional interruption, you’ll want to do your best to keep your “office” boundaries in force. When such things become more than rare/occasional, clients can lose faith in your professionalism.

Let There Be Light!

Back-lit coaches lose their visual advantage for conveying coaching presence.  Light needs to be in front of you illuminating your smiling face well. Harsh, glaring lights will wear you out if you have a few sessions back to back. You don’t have to invest in hundreds of dollars of studio lighting; however, you do need to project an image that is quite adequately illuminated. Warm toned lights convey a more relaxed and, well, warm image.
Request the same of your client. Kindly let them know that your ability to see them well can aid you in your coaching. It’s certainly is easier to pick up on visual changes in expression when you can see a person’s face adequately.

To Zoom or Not to Zoom

• The wandering camera

Not all of the responsibility for a great coaching session via video conferencing falls on the shoulders of the coach. A client may be doing sessions with you on their phone’s video as they continually walk all around their apartment, holding the phone at all angles, moving it very frequently. I can remember working with a mentee of mine where we were both fighting vertigo as we attempted to watch such a video recording! As the client continued moving, they kept distracting themselves and not being very present in the coaching conversation. When the coach requested that they continue their coaching via phone only – with no video, the effectiveness of their coaching actually improved. Both client and coach could concentrate better.

The Visual Aspect of Nonverbal Communication

A coach’s listening skills depend upon keen observation. We are constantly scanning all that we hear and see. While we can pick up on all of the nuances of vocal communication over a phone (volume, tone, rapidity, pitch, shifts), the video allows us to augment that with the visual cues we are able to see and observe. While the client’s camera is usually showing us only upper body and facial imagery, this helps our observation tremendously. Here are a couple of tips for working with this.

• Shifts

Observing any shifts in nonverbal behavior is key. Is there a change in expression or posture as the topic shifts?

• Patterns

Are there any repetitive patterns in the visual nonverbal behavior and are such patterns related to anything in the content of the session?

• Congruence

Is there congruence or incongruence between what the client is saying, and the emotion being conveyed nonverbally? For example, a client who smiles again and again when they speak of a painful subject.

• Take your observations and either share them or store them

Sharing observations is a true coaching skill. The key is to share observable behavior, not your interpretations. Simply feed your observation back to your client with a phrase such as “Are you aware that…” or “Are you aware of…”. You can also ask permission to share an observation. Storing observations may be the choice you make depending upon the usefulness of sharing it in the moment or saving it for later. You may want to stow it away in what I call your “listening day pack” and bring it out when you have noticed a repetition or pattern of the same behavior.

Video conferencing platforms have enhanced our ability to both reach more clients (globally!) and have visual advantages that telephonic coaching can’t provide. Let it work to make your coaching better than ever.

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness – a world leader in health and wellness coach training.  (www.realbalance.com). Doctor Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world.  His latest book is Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft. https://wholeperson.com/store/masterful-health-and-wellness-coaching.html

Clarity on Scope of Practice: The What, the How and the Why of Lifestyle Improvement

Health and wellness professionals are sometimes confused about the role each professional might play in helping individuals to live their best life possible. Our clients are seeking to be healthier by attaining such goals as losing weight, managing stress, stopping smoking, becoming less isolated, and often, managing a health challenge of some kind. To do so they need:
• excellent wellness information
• great treatment (if that is called for)
• and a way to make the lifestyle changes that will ensure lasting success.

So, who is responsible for what?

Health educators, fitness trainers, rehabilitation therapists, physical therapists, dieticians, physicians, and various treatment professionals can help their clients/patients to know what lifestyle behavioral changes will move them towards improved health and wellbeing. What we often hear from these medical and wellness pros is frustration with a lack of success on their client’s part in making the recommended changes and making them last. The reality is, most people simply don’t know that much about how to change the ingrained habits of a lifetime.

The physical therapist works with their client in their session and sends them home with exercises that must be done every day. The dietician creates a fantastic meal plan that their client must put into practice. The fitness professional creates a tailor-made workout plan, but their client needs to exercise on their own, not just in front of their trainer.

Health educators, treatment professionals, etc. provide the
WHAT
Health and Wellness Coaches provide the
HOW
Our Clients find their
WHY

Everyone’s challenge is the how. It takes more then will power and motivation. What is often lacking is an actual well-thought out plan that the client has co-created with the help of someone who can provide support, accountability and a well-developed behavioral change methodology. Translating the lifestyle prescription into action and fitting it in to an already busy life is often where, despite good intentions, our clients struggle. This is where having a trusted ally in the cause of one’s wellness pays off.

Role Clarity

As the field of health and wellness coaching grows, the challenge coaches sometimes face is clarity about their own role. Sometimes the confusion is all about the what and the how. For coaches to be proficient at “writing” the lifestyle prescription they need additional qualifications. It becomes a question of Scope of Practice.

To guide coaches the National Board for Health and Wellness Coaches (NBHWC) has developed a Scope of Practice Statement. Here is the part most relevant to our question.

“While health and wellness coaches per se do not diagnose conditions, prescribe treatments, or provide psychological therapeutic interventions, they may provide expert guidance in areas in which they hold active, nationally recognized credentials, and may offer resources from nationally recognized authorities such as those referenced in NBHWC’s Content Outline with Resources.” (https://nbhwc.org/scope-of-practice/ )

Wearing “Two Hats”

If coaches can “wear two hats” professionally they can combine the what and the how. Otherwise the key is to coordinate with other wellness professionals or work with the lifestyle prescription that their client already has.

When coaches do, or believe they do, “wear two hats” there are two key factors at play here. One is the guidance of the Scope of Practice above: “they may provide expert guidance in areas in which they hold active, nationally recognized credentials.” A dietician/coach can smoothly, but openly, go back and forth between helping their client discover ways in which their current diet needs to be improved and how to implement those recommendation in their life. A fitness trainer/coach can likewise shift between fitness instruction and strategizing with their client for how to fit their workouts into their lifestyle consistently enough to be effective.

The other factor is the agreement that the client has with their coach. In each of the two examples we just used the client has an agreement to receive both coaching and dietetic consultation, or to receive both coaching and fitness training. It’s a clear agreement from the start of services.

I recently reviewed a recording of a coaching session with a coach who was not a dietician or nutritional therapist. The coaching was going well until the client began talking about the KETO diet they were experimenting with. The session quickly devolved into a chat between what seemed like two friends who knew a few things about this diet from their own experience. A fine discussion for a couple of friends over a cup of tea but the coach was completely outside their scope of practice. You just cannot draw upon amateurish wisdom when you are in the role of a professional coach. I think what happened in this instance was not a coach falsely holding themselves out as a nutritional expert but rather a coach who simply wanted to help and allowed the coaching conversation to slip into sharing what they knew about a subject that is actually much more complex than it might seem.

The Coach Lane is a very narrow one. We can’t cross over into other lanes without those active, nationally recognized credentials we spoke of. Then we have to use our turn signals when switching lanes!

For more clarity about staying within coaching scope of practice when coaching with emotions, see my two blogs: “Emotions, Feelings and Healthy Choices: Coaching for Greater Wellness” https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2019/09/10/emotions-feelings-and-healthy-choices-coaching-for-greater-wellness/ And, Process Coaching: Yes, Coaches “Do Emotions” https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2014/05/15/process-coaching-yes-coaches-do-emotions/

The Why

Beyond the what and the how is the why. The “why” of behavior is all about motivation – initiating and sustaining behavioral change efforts by drawing upon the energy and desire to do so. The key here once again is the question of who is responsible for supplying this. People may initiate behavior based upon external motivation – the urging and cheering on of others, the fear of negative outcomes. In order to sustain that motivation, it has to come from within. The challenge here for all wellness professionals is to help our client to discover their own unique sources of motivation. Seasoned wellness professionals realize they can’t convince or persuade anyone to be well. However, when we help our clients discover their own important sources of what motivates them, they discover their why. Motivation is fuel. Now with the aid of a coach our clients can find the vehicle to put in. They know what they need to change. Now they have a way how to change and grow, and they know themselves, why. (See our previous post Motivation Plus Mobilization: Coaching For Success At Lifestyle Improvement. https://wp.me/pUi2y-mn)

 

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness Services, Inc. (www.realbalance.com). Dr. Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world.  His latest book is Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft. https://wholeperson.com/store/masterful-health-and-wellness-coaching.html

Compassionate Detachment

January 2022! Welcome to a New Year and all of its potential. Ready to put the stresses and the tragedies of 2021 in the rearview mirror it’s a time to set intentions for a better year ahead. Hopefully you had some respite over the winter holidays and are ready to charge ahead in a positive way. Yet, the carryover, perhaps hangover, from that last year is very real for many people including ourselves and the clients we serve.

As we listen compassionately to stories of loss, grief, and challenges of all kinds, we need to find a way to be there for our clients and yet care for ourselves as well. Compassion fatigue is a common experience when we are exposed to too many stories of strife and trouble. How can we refill our own cup when it seems at times like this, others are draining it? I address this issue in Chapter Five of my new book. I offer this to you in my own spirit of compassion.

From Chapter Five – Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft, by Michael Arloski

Compassionate Detachment

We practice compassionate detachment for the benefit of our client and for our own benefit as well.

Compassionate detachment is respecting our client’s power enough to not rescue them while extending loving compassion to them in the present moment. Simultaneously compassionate detachment is also respecting ourselves enough to not take the client’s challenges on as our own and realizing that to do so serves good purpose for no one.

Compassionate detachment is an honoring of our client’s abilities, resourcefulness, and creativity. We remain as an ally at their side helping them to find their own path, their own solutions. We may provide structure, an opportunity to process thoughts and feelings, a methodology of change, and tools to help with planning and accountability, but we don’t rescue. As tempting as it is to offer our suggestions, to correct what seem to be their errant ways, to steer them toward a program that we know works, we don’t. We avoid throwing them a rope and allow them to grow as a swimmer. Sure, we are there to back them up if they go under or are heading toward a waterfall. We are ethically bound to do what we can to monitor their safe passage, but we allow them to take every step, to swim every stroke to the best of their ability.

To be compassionate with a client we have to clear our own consciousness and bring forth our nonjudgmental, open and accepting self. We have to honor their experience.

“Only in an open, nonjudgmental space can we acknowledge what we are feeling. Only in an open space where we’re not all caught up in our own version of reality can we see and hear and feel who others really are, which allows us to be with them and communicate with them properly.”
Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart

Compassionate detachment is also about giving ourselves permission to protect ourselves. Being in proximity to the pain of others is risky work. There are theories about the high rates of suicide among physicians and dentists based on this phenomenon. Compassionate detachment is also about being detached from outcome. We want the very best for our clients and will give our best toward that goal, but we give up ownership of where and how our client chooses to travel in the process of pursuing a better life. Their outcome is theirs, not ours.

Compassionate detachment is not about distancing ourselves from our client. It is not about becoming numb mentally, emotionally, or physically. It is not about treating our clients impersonally.

Compassionate detachment is being centered enough in ourselves, at peace enough in our own hearts, to be profoundly present with our clients in their pain, and in their joy, as well.

Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft, by Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC
https://www.amazon.com/Masterful-Health-Wellness-Coaching-Deepening/dp/1570253617/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1MJ0IKCHU30MJ&keywords=arloski+wellness+coaching&qid=1641835655&sprefix=Arloski+%2Caps%2C200&sr=8-3

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness Services, Inc. (www.realbalance.com). Dr. Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world. Dr. Arloski’s newest book is Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft

Consciously Well Holidays

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” This cheery tune becomes an earwig for many of us as we wander through any kind of store playing holiday muzak. However, “According to a survey, 45% of…people living in the United States would choose to skip out on the holidays, rather than deal with the stress of it all.” (https://www.claritychi.com/holiday-stress/). So, what’s so bad about holidays? Time off. Connecting with family and friends. Special delicious foods. Party-time! Sounds a lot like wellness, but what’s the all too common experience? Stress!

A poll by the American Psychological Association shows:
• Nearly a quarter of Americans reported feeling “extreme stress” come holiday time
• 69 percent of people are stressed by the feeling of having a “lack of time,”
• 69 percent are stressed by perceiving a “lack of money,”
• 51 percent are stressed out about the “pressure to give or get gifts.”
https://allonehealth.com/holiday-stress-guide/

In contrast to the holiday season we have created, the natural season in the Northern Hemisphere is the polar opposite. These are the dark days that slow us down, invite us to rest, recuperate, and replenish our energy. It’s a time better suited to reflection, contemplation, intimacy, warmth and connection. The ecology of the world – which we are part of, not separate from – dives into a biological shift that allows for dormancy, hibernation and such. As larger mammals that don’t hibernate, we do remain active, yet, it seems we try to maintain an activity level that doesn’t change as the world around us changes. Electric lights and indoor heating keep us going like it’s the middle of summer. If anything, it’s not the time of year to biologically and mentally deny us what we truly crave – a break!

“Managing” our stress is only a partial solution, and often more of an illusion. What works is recovering from stress. Psycho-physiologically we need to counterbalance the over-activation of our Sympathetic Nervous System (the Fight-Flight or Stress Response) with time spent allowing our Parasympathetic Nervous System to counteract the former, bringing out the Relaxation Response. (See my previous blog post: “The Psychophysiology of Stress – What The Wellness Coach Needs To Know” – https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=1471&action=edit)

So, how can we more consciously live in greater harmony with the winter season? How can we slow down with it and recharge our physical, mental/emotional and spiritual batteries? We can look to some cultures in the world that approach winter differently. How about some Niksen and Hygge?

In a very informative Blue Zones article, “Niksen: The Dutch Art of Purposefully Doing Nothing” author Elisabeth Almekinder (https://www.bluezones.com/2019/11/niksen-the-dutch-art-of-purposefully-doing-nothing/?utm_source=BLUE%20ZONES%20Newsletter&utm_campaign=83b24efc00-&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_9642311849-83b24efc00-200739894&mc_cid=83b24efc00&mc_eid=b37dc9f5c1&fbclid=IwAR0dxILZtARpQ6hE2xXuXrLsAziYfdTq5irSFUZu1OiGw-NWJvBxM0azMLA) shows how doing less can give us more. “Doing nothing, but with a purpose to do nothing or no purpose at all, may help to decrease anxiety, bring creativity to the surface, and boost productivity. The Dutch have perfected the practice of doing nothing, or “niksen” so well that they are some of the happiest people on earth.”

For many people, “doing nothing” may seem like a huge challenge. Our minds are usually firing on all cylinders, sometimes fueled by stimulants such as caffeine. We are often continually distracted by our work, our phones, our online activity, the radio we are playing, etc. We are almost bombarded by media about “mindfulness” which offers one alternative solution, but Niksen is slightly different. “It’s not mindfulness: a better definition would be a short period of mindless relaxation” is how Almekinder describes it. She urges us to “loosen your concept of time and productivity and practice this simple exercise from the Netherlands. Allowing your brain to rewire from stress by doing nothing is a wellness practice worth implementing. If you are sitting in a cafe, you can indulge in some stress-busting niksen but sipping your coffee and looking out the window. Leave your phone in your pocket and let your mind wander.” So, when that empty moment comes, don’t fill it in. How many of us have conditioned ourselves to reach for our phone if nothing else is handy and search for something to occupy our minds. You might say that niksen is a way to liberate your mind from occupation!

So, there is value in “spacing out” however you do it. I love to practice this as a form of observational meditation. I’m fortunate to have a great backyard inhabited by lots of birds, squirrels and a few lovely rabbits. Trees, bushes and plants change with the seasons and weather brings sunshine, wind, clouds, and sometimes rain or snow. I simply sit and watch as I rid my mind of thoughts about the rest of the world, what I need to do next, and such. The key is to simply observe. Refrain from connecting what you are seeing with what it might be related to. Just watch the snow fall without thinking about the meteorological implications.

Another culture that knows how to make the most of this time of year is Denmark. The Danes call is Hygge. I wrote about this last December in my blog post “Maximizing Wellbeing During Pandemic Holidays” https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=1662&action=edit.

“Hygge, a Danish term defined as “a quality of coziness and comfortable conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being.” Pronounced “hoo-guh,” the word is said to have no direct translation in English, though “cozy” comes close.” (https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/the-year-of-hygge-the-danish-obsession-with-getting-cozy) Taking pleasure in the simple things of life that yield contentment is a great way to make it through the winter. Whether alone, or with whomever you can get cozy with, we can slow down and give ourselves permission to “indulge” in things that give us comfort. Shutting off the television and reading a good novel under a warm blanket with a hot cup of cheer on hand can start to reframe our whole mood.”

Coaching It Up

Health & Wellness Coaching clients sometimes postpone their sessions until after the holiday season passes. While this might be fine for some, it could be the time when coaching could be of great value. Inquire with your client about how you might adjust what areas of focus they are working on to fit their more immediate concerns, such as holiday stress. Ask permission to offer some resources they might find interest in such as the information above in this post.

Current wellness goals may need some specialized attention during this time of year. Weather changes may require new strategies for being physically active as outdoor options may become more challenging. Clients may worry about maintaining progress on weight loss as they face the temptations of holiday treats, parties, etc. Explore with them their attitude, fears, and assumptions about their upcoming holiday dinner. Explore the pressures they are experiencing around holiday gift giving and their financial wellness. There is actually plenty of coaching that can be done to help our clients come through the holidays successfully.

For You and Your Client

Think about what your holiday goals are this year. Consider substituting the stresses and pressures you’ve experienced before with a whole new set of intentions. Sitting down, either by yourself or in conscious deliberation with your partner/others and set intentions for a holiday that actually meets your needs. Those needs can include sharing your abundance with others through gift giving, philanthropy or through volunteer work, etc. Think through how you can create a holiday season less focused on material wealth and more on the kind of personal, spiritual, and physical wealth that enhances your wellbeing and serves others.

Have the grandest of holidays!
Coach Michael

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness Services, Inc. (www.realbalance.com). Dr. Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world. Dr. Arloski’s newest book is Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft https://wholeperson.com/store/masterful-health-and-wellness-coaching.html

Structuring Great Wellness Coaching Sessions – Part 2 Process and Progress

Processing in coaching can be like a long, winding road.

Though every coaching session is unique, coaching sessions that follow a general structure are usually more productive. In our last blog (https://realbalancewellness.wordpress.com/2021/08/26/structuring-great-wellness-coaching-sessions-part-one-how-to-get-started/) we showed how a coach can use structure by Co-Creating The Agenda for the session to get off to a great start.

In that beginning structure we followed this basic sequence:

• Greet and Connect. Small talk. Keep it brief.
• Check-in.
o Coach and client – and here is the key – DO NOT PROCESS what the client is reporting on.
• Co-Create The Agenda for the Session
o Coach enquires about what else the client wants to focus on during today’s session. Again – DO NOT BEGIN PROCESSING.
• Remember the Importance of Dancing in the Moment
o Despite the co-creation of a wonderful agenda, be prepared to modify it or even abandon it entirely depending upon what happens in the session.
• Now You Can Begin Processing

The key that we explored in that blog was when to begin processing. Without working together to structure the session first, premature processing all too often leads to a rambling, less than productive misadventures.

PROCESSING – FINALLY!

Clients and coaches are always anxious to explore and get into the content of the session. Now that we’ve got an agreed-upon agenda in place that has prioritized what we want to address first, we’re ready to go!

The processing part of a coaching session is where much of the learning takes place for our client. We create that safe container where our clients explore, understand, and gain insight into their own behavior and thinking. It’s where we help them look at their behavior, their interactions with others, with new perspectives. It’s where all of the coach’s skills come out and do their job.

This is where “How to Be” is just as important as “What to Do”. Coaching presence, the expression of empathic understanding, providing unconditional positive regard, being genuine and real, all help our client to feel appreciated, understood and heard. The Coaching Alliance continues to build with each coaching conversation.

As we process with our clients, we help them to address the internal and external barriers to change that are holding them back. We employ strategic thinking and brainstorming together looking for solutions. The coach can help their client identify assumptions that they are operating on and see how self-defeating that can be. This is also where effective coaches show how they can work productively with their client’s emotions. Coaches help their clients to contact and name their feelings, increase awareness of the role those feelings are playing in their decision making and interactions with others. This is where we help our clients explore the sources of support that they have, or lack, for living a healthier lifestyle.

Photo by M. Arloski

NEXT STEPS – Forwarding the Action

Processing is sometimes hard work for both coach and client, but it often so rewarding, even stimulating, that we can tend towards remaining engaged in it up to the last minutes of our session. Coaching, especially when it is productive, is fun! Can we have too much of a good thing? Well, yes.

A productive processing session can open doors for our clients. Now they have to go out through those doors and make the improvements to their way of living that will make a difference. What makes coaching truly effective is how we set our clients up for success when they go out that door and have to implement what they have learned. The real behavioral change does not take place in the coaching session. It takes place out there in our client’s own life through the rest of the next week.

Change occurs in a treatment session during the session itself. The massage therapist, or the acupuncturist, works their methods while the patient is on the table. Then they can go out and use that stiff shoulder to play tennis again. Change – behavioral change – lifestyle improvement – takes place as our client lives their life, day in and day out after our session. This is why coaching works very consciously to help our clients with what we call Next Steps.

Co-creating (not prescribing) Next Steps is all about strategizing what will be the most effective Action Steps that our client can take between now and the next time we have an appointment, to make progress on their wellness goals.

Well-Designed Action Steps work best when they have:

• An alignment with the client’s values and interests.
• A motivational connection between the Action Step and the Goal the client is trying to achieve. This provides the “why” – why am I doing this?
• Congruence with the Stage of Change that the client is in for that particular behavior.
o Contemplation: continue coaching about it, but Action Steps could include journaling, talking to others about it, etc.
o Preparation: doing research to find out more information, available resources, building sources of support before taking action.
o Action – identifying steps that are at the ‘just right’ level of difficulty. This can vary from taking on a challenge the client feels up for to the irrefutably easy ‘baby steps’ we may take to begin with.

Ongoing Action Steps

As our clients continue their work on their Wellness Plan, they will be engaged in various Action Steps over a longer period of time. As we work on Next Steps with our client, we may find there is a need to:

• Recommit – Recommitting to the same Action Steps from the last time. Perhaps the client simply needs to continue to make the slow but steady progress with more of the same. Or, if our client was not very successful last time, perhaps they are more confident that this week there is greater support for success.
• Reset – If our client found that the Action Step level was too challenging last time (too many walks in one week, etc.), or not challenging enough to be effective and give them the results they want (not meditating frequently enough in the last week) we may need to reset the level to a more optimum range.
• Shift – Perhaps client and coach conclude after processing that the Action Step itself needs to be shifted to something different. Our client may find that working out alone is not as easy as expected and decides to try signing up for a fitness class, for example.

Save Time for Next Steps
As you can see, if done right, setting up our client for success with well-designed Action Steps has a lot of considerations. In addition to co-creating the Action Steps themselves, the effective coach will also be asking:

• So, who/what will support you in achieving these Action Steps?
• What barriers to getting these Action Steps done can you already anticipate?

To do all of this takes time. Waiting until time is running out at the end of the session because you have stayed with processing too long can result in poorly designed Next Steps. A good rule to follow is save at least one-third of the session for Next Steps. So, with a 30 min. session, start working on Next Steps with about ten solid minutes left to go.

The Accountability Agreement

As we finish up our Next Steps part of our coaching structure, we still need to arrive at clarity with our client about how they will be holding themselves accountable to follow through on their Next Steps and how we, the coach, can help. In our next blog we will explore effective coaching for accountability.

Michael Arloski, Ph.D., PCC, NBC-HWC is CEO and Founder of Real Balance Global Wellness Services, Inc. (www.realbalance.com). Dr. Arloski is a pioneering architect of the field of health and wellness coaching. He and his company have trained thousands of coaches around the world. Dr. Arloski’s newest book is Masterful Health & Wellness Coaching: Deepening Your Craft https://wholeperson.com/store/masterful-health-and-wellness-coaching.html